Ep.29 Jody Urquhart – Following our bliss.

Join us for a fun chat with Jody Urquhart about how to create a life full of bliss and love. We are not meant to live a life of suffering and unanswered dreams...we are born to thrive!
Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to the Love and Compassion podcast with Gissele. . We believe that love and compassion, have the power to change our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe to our show for more amazing content on today’s podcast, we’ll be discussing living from a place of bliss and humor. Fed up with a mediocre life.

Gissele: Jody decided she wanted a memorable one. Instead for unyielding ambition, fueled her into the world of stand-up comedy, a place where she learned to roll with the punchlines and turn life’s lemon into delicious lemonade. With more than 23 years experience inspiring and entertaining audiences across the globe.

Jodi delivers uplifting, engaging, motivational speeches that help professionals cultivate a much needed blissful can do attitude towards fun and meaningful work. She’s the author of all work and no say’s bestselling book, a tongue in cheek insight into the rat race and [00:01:00] how to reveal joy.

Please join me in welcoming Jody Urquhart.

Jody: Hi,

Gissele: how are you?

Jody: Good. How are you?

Gissele: I’m great. Thank you so much for being on the show. I’m so excited to talk about all things, a bliss and humor.

Jody: Yeah. Doesn’t that sound fun? And thank you for having me. It does.

Gissele: Absolutely. can you tell us a little bit about how you got, kinda got into, public speaking from.

Jody: Oh, right. Well, actually it was the other way around. I was giving speeches. my trademark and again, this is about 25 years ago, so it’s quite a while, but, I was doing talks on the joy of work. And I had people writing down in the comments, a scathing comments, like she’s not enjoying her work. And I thought, yeah, I thought, if I’m really honest with myself, I’m not enjoying this.

I do love public speaking, but I was very hard on myself. Very critical, with myself. And then when [00:02:00] you’re critical with yourself, you’re critical with the audience. It becomes almost like this aggressive, like dialogue. So I thought, you know, how do you get people like you and you, if you’re funny, like humor just really, really lightens up a room and what I’ve learned about it, isn’t about people liking you.

It’s about the audience, changing their state. . From that of being distracted, judging, et cetera, to more of like a happy, easy state. And it’s a lot easier to work with an audience like that. So then I went into stand up comedy and, the two have kind of come together. I’d say I teach personal development through standup comedy, personal awareness.

through standup comedy. Yeah. Cause if we can laugh at ourselves, we don’t take our, our, say negativity or our challenges. So seriously. Yeah.

Gissele: Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. It sounds like in the beginning of your [00:03:00] journey, you kind of had that critical, inner voice you’re in one of the things we do in kind of our compassion based work is, is help shift that.

And I’m sure with comedy, as you shifted that, You know, you kind of became like more light-hearted and like you said, maybe more, we’re able to connect more with the audience. can you share a little bit, like maybe some strategies that maybe comedy helped you in kind of, being a little less critical, maybe more compassionate towards.

Jody: Oh, well, I’d say in the beginning it was really rough, just like motivational speaking was I’d fail a lot. but the interesting part of a comedy, I think I read in a five minutes set, you have 26 punchlines. So that means, yeah. And a punchline is basically a setup and a punchline. That’s what a joke is. I mean, so there’s 26 opportunities where basically you can tell if they work or not, if the audience.

If they laugh, you know, they’re getting. that it’s funny to them. So, you know, you can fail [00:04:00] 26 times in five minutes is basically the way in the beginning. I saw it as that. Wow. I did 26 jokes. Maybe one of them landed. So after a while it either wears you down and you leave. Or you find a way to deal with it’s really the critical in our voice in the end, it has nothing to do with the audience.

It has to do with you. The audience is reflecting back to you, who you’re being on stage, and if you’re being aggressive and then that’s what the audience will look like to you. But it’s what they will, they’ll reflect that they, it’s pretty amazing stuff stand up. Comedy really does teach you about yourself.

can you share a little bit about what it taught you about you? Cause it seems to me like you had a lot of resilience in, you know, doing public speaking and were having challenges and then you went into comedy and were having challenges. So I was curious as to what it taught you about yourself.[00:05:00]

Jody: Well, not to take myself so seriously, but the be the biggest one. That’s what every joke is. You’re laughing. The best jokes that my comedy teacher told me, your best comedy will be your conflict. So find any conflicting area in your own. For most people it’s relationships for me, it was. And then you make fun of it.

So you’ll, you literally are laughing at yourself. So it’s interesting to write the comedy, to perform the comedy and not until you actually really laugh at yourself, does it come together? So the interesting key there is me. I have to be able to laugh at myself and then the whole thing starts flowing.

Gissele: It’s interesting because you’re also releasing the resistance, right? Like the comedy helps you do so many times we resist ourselves. We resist our lives versus where we are and we just want to change. [00:06:00] But I think that releasing that resistance and allowing you to accept where you are and you can still change, I think, might be a really powerful lesson that maybe you learned from.

Oh,

Jody: well, absolutely. You got it. So it is one of the, I mean, I almost think of it as a side benefit, but it’s in the moment when you laugh at something you’ve, you’re in the, you’re in the present moment, you are there in the room. the feeling does have you relax your muscles and relax into life. So we’re pretty well.

I mean, we’re built pretty brilliantly in yet, and I think self-awareness and self development. Ongoing thing. It’s like every moment it always feels like you’re, you’re there and you’re learning at the same time.

Gissele: Yeah, for sure. I love what you said that were built pretty brilliantly because I think.

From our perspective, we believe that, you know, if we could become our true, authentic selves, right. Unlearn all the things that [00:07:00] we’ve learned really are left with like loving and compassionate and joyful beings. But it’s all this other stuff that we’ve learned that kind of brings us down related with that.

laughter is pretty powerful. A lot of people have used it for, you know, for healing and, and it’s so important. what do you think would be really helpful for people to bring more humor into their lives and more joy into their lives? I know you talk about bliss, but, or more blessing to them.

Jody: Yeah. Well, we’ll start with humor. Humor is a great way to find some bliss because it just allows you to take yourself lightly and find the present moment. Bliss is the present moment. and it always feels good. So the way I describe bliss is in the moment you feel good. . That’s like the simplest way. And what you just said is exactly, exactly true.

If you did nothing, if you took away all the, the ways we try to make ourselves be one thing or [00:08:00] another, all the labels we put on ourselves and other people, we would just be in bliss. Right? Take out all the negativity. Doubt, worry, anger. You are in bliss. So laughter how to have more. Laughter. So when I talk about bliss, my, one of my favorite ways of finding it myself or being it myself is, is to know that happiness is not a goal.

But it’s a feeling and it’s a feeling in you in the present moment. So bliss is always here and now it’s not yesterday or tomorrow. It’s now. And it’s a feel good. So I just always go back to that. And again, it would just be being, so when it comes to humor, You know, I’ve spoken to for so many years, companies are so, oh my goodness.

Behind all of it is passion and they want to help people. And the first thing they’re going to do is they’re going to want to make having fun of goal. So they’re going to. They’re going to want it, like, [00:09:00] it’s almost like saying you people need to have fun so that I know that we’re fun group, right? It’s like saying for me to have fun, you need to have fun and they’re going to goal it out.

So they’re going to say, well, right now, we’re not having fun, but in the future we will. And now we’re going to have to do things know. Pizza parties and, fun recognition programs, all the rest of it. And some of that stuff is helpful. I mean, I think everyone knows when you take effort like that, that it’s meant in good intention.

So it’s great. And in the, in the moment while you can be really fun. So that’s the important part. but making fun into a goal is. Much more complicated than it needs to be fun as a feeling and it’s in the present moments. Right? So if we just forget all the work, like no effort here and you don’t need the people around you to be having fun for you to have fun, because that’s a goal.

And just, you know, I just [00:10:00] say to people take yourself lightly, really. I mean, we’re not we’re in this game to have fun. I really think the only reason we’re alive is to enjoy our lives and through the enjoyment, we get everything we want. So it naturally lines up, you know, the same time flies when you’re having fun.

I think the only way you can know that every moment you’re living your life to the best you can. By the way you feel and when you feel good, you know, you’re doing well.. When you feel bad, you know, you’re not. So when you feel good, you’ve taken out all that stress, worry, doubt, anger. And now you’re just moving forward and it’s flowing.

That’s the flow, the time flies by a part of it. So, I mean, fun and humor, just be. Have fun. Like it would be more like a spirit and a way of, being in the moment with. Like a leader telling everyone you need to [00:11:00] have fun and you’re super, I mean, I’ve seen this so many times you’re super serious and stressed out.

I mean, it it’s to con the messaging is very conflicting. the way you lead yourself as the way you lead others. So if you are like super serious, then you’re going to be serious with others. If you’re hard on yourself, you will be hard on others. So. I just like to tell people, lighten up, have fun, be a little bit, be silly.

I mean like children jumping in the puddles, like, do stuff for no reason at all and just see how just feel it feel good, you know, it’s and that is going to start to spread. So do less, be more just feel fun, fun, feel so good. You know, and one of the easiest ways to get there is just take yourself lightlyand be silly.

Gissele: Yeah. Yeah. You said so many, powerful things. I just want to start with the, the definition of like joy versus bliss, because I, when I speak to my children, I know that [00:12:00] sometimes they’ll say to me, yeah, I want to live my most joyful life and, you know, But I have to do this. I have to go to school and sometimes it’s boring and I say to find the joy in it, like, how can you find joy in what you’re doing?

And I’m like, well, I can’t. And so, so what’s the difference between joy and bliss, for it to start, like, what’s the difference? Cause I, I use the word joy with them.

Jody: Hm. I’m not actually sure. Right. I don’t have an answer. I think joy is what happened on the way to bliss? Almost when you’re saying that joy sounds like a goal when you’re saying to your kids find the joy, like, and they’re like, well, there’s no joy.

there might be a way to approach it that helps them to feel the joy, not a goal of feelings. So it would be something more like, Tell me about yesterday. Didn’t you have that June class and it wasn’t that fun, but not even telling them it was fun. That again is a goal. It’s more like, tell me about this yesterday.

Jody: I [00:13:00] was, oh, oh, that’s so fun. Oh. You know, help them recognize that in that thing that they were doing, that they have to do. There was actually a lot of great stuff in there. Like they actually had a lot of fun. So the way I like to look at it, I will quickly go into goals if you want me to. Yeah. Yeah. So the reason I wrote the book bliss out is because I’m a very goal oriented people.

Like a lot of people. And so I just wanted to talk with the audience about what goals do goals are great. Cause they keep you on track and they help you show progress. goals though are always about the past and the future. So if you’re going to set a goal and it could be just to be a better parent, if you use that example where you want your kids to be happy, your goal is for them to be happy, honestly, the best way for your kids to be happiest for you to be happy yourself.

And you already know that. So, so it would be more if your goaling it out. Then you’re going to go into the past and try to think [00:14:00] about what works and what does it well, when I say this, it works. When I don’t say this, it doesn’t et cetera. So now you’re going to take the past, which usually is fear, worry, doubt, anger, et cetera, because you can’t change the past.

now you’re going to take the past and you’re going to projected into the future. And so that means you have one foot in the past one foot in the future, and you’re entirely missing the present moment. And that is where everything happens. So I just remind goal-oriented ambitious people, which I believe most people are is that you can only do anything in the present moment.

Jody: Like you can never go back to the past and get stuff done. You can’t rewrite the past and you can’t go into the future and fix. Or change it. You can only live right now. You can only do anything right now and you can only learn in the moment. So what we’re doing and what I love about what [00:15:00] you’re doing is your it’s.

To me, it’s insight, education. . It is an in the moment when people get it, you know, the moment, hopefully as they’re listening here, they’re getting a few like, oh yeah, that’s true. So what happens in that moment is you hit the present moment and that’s how you learn. Now, once you learn something, you don’t have to go back and relearn it.

So many people think we do, but when you learn two plus two is four. You got it. You don’t have to go back and remind yourself. So we’re getting insight for feeling it in the moment and we’re not even necessarily meant to hold onto it and try to make it into something in the future. We’re just feeling it right now and we’ve already got it.

Right? So it’s like your kids already have it. We already have it. I always remind audiences that what you want, you have. You know, if you want quality of [00:16:00] life. Well, do you have quality of life? Probably. If you want kind compassionate neighbors, do you have them? Yeah, I think it’s always better to build on that strength, you know?

Gissele: Yeah. so thank you for sharing that, you know, I think what you were talking about for me is sort of like a knowing, , like, you know, like once you, like something becomes a knowing, it’s just something that you don’t have to continue to learn. one of the things that I struggle with in terms of my not struggle with, but it’s been kind of a journey for me has been the issue of the, the, Being in the flow with ease and grace.

Jody: Yes. Does that sound great? Sounds fabulous.

Gissele: Those words. We were always taught. At least I was, and I know my listeners, I’m sure some of them were as well that you have to future plan. Act act your way through the world. It has to be action. Action, action, goal goal [00:17:00] goal. You can’t just be in the flow and wait for the, you know, for the manifestation or to align to that.

What you’re, you know, joyfully desiring. but as I unlearned some of the things I’ve learned in this world, I find myself wanting to create more from a place of ease and grace, but there are times small elements of doubt. That make me kind of like, we shouldn’t just be blissing out, like you say here. Right?

Like shouldn’t we be planning and doing, and, and I think that takes me out of the present moment and getting me, so how can we bring ourselves back to the present to the, to the present or present bliss? And soothe some of those doubts or, or kind of release or soften them up a bit so that we can live more from that ease and grace in attract and align more towards, rather than feeling that we got to grind it out.

Cause it feels like work.

Jody: Yeah. I hear you. My goodness. Can I relate to what you’re [00:18:00] saying? So much of what you said? I mean, I keep pinging on the things you’re saying and thinking, where do I take this? Cause there’s so many places, I don’t know, did we have to relive our past to find our bliss today?

Like, do we have to go back and rework the fear and any from the past, because it’s already done and more like, I guess the best you could do going back there in the past would be to forgive yourself, forgive others, but really there’s not a lot of. I don’t know, I, it, for me, I think it’s best to go straight to bliss wherever you can.

And then when you have those feelings of doubt, because it is in you and I do believe the way I feel it in myself when I have anger, fear worries, something like that. which I do all the time everyone does, but I just hold it in me and I observe it. And as I’m observing it, what I noticed is it’s not permanent.

And as long as I don’t attach it to [00:19:00] some sort of thought, like the thought would be the past or the future. If I can just observe the feeling, the feeling will, will subside. It often turns into bliss. Like I can go from, it takes. Anger, like sometimes the most deepest emotions, like anger and fear. If you can just be with it and in compassion, and self-compassion not as a goal, you’re not trying to fix yourself.

But as a, like, Ooh, this is survival. I mean, this is our bodies are built. We’re not above survival. It’s thousands of years of evolution. but then we can just have compassion for the struggle we feel and also just really feel it and observe it, not fix it or make it into something label it. it just, it, it turns to bliss.

I get is bliss, and I feel like it imprints itself in your body. [00:20:00] And as you, as you’re, blissing out on it, as it’s, it’s releasing and becoming bliss, it, the imprint is going away. So we’re not really going back and fixing the past, but we’re bringing the past and present to the feeling. So I know that was a bit more deep, but I was just thinking of it as I do it when I, I often would do something like that when I meditate, because tough to do in the middle of, you know, your son’s hockey game.

So,

Gissele: yeah. I love meditation too. so do you find that the more that you’re practicing your bliss, that the more that you live throughout your day, you will live in a state of bliss in that you have the kind of. ’cause I think that was one of the things that people believe about bliss that you can’t maintain it, that, that you have, there has to be an opposite low to your bliss,

Jody: right?

Oh, that’s interesting. Yeah. Yeah. for me, I just go directly to bliss as often as I can. So I don’t worry about any of this. I just go [00:21:00] right there. and to do that again, it’s not a doing, it’s a being. So you did talk about flow. I love those words you use to hope flow and what it, what was it? Ease and grace for some good.

How do we just, it’s not a, how to cause that’s a goal, but just be that. So for me, it feels like an immerse yourself in the moment. So it’s coming to me through public speaking. I often find I get up and speak for like two or three hours and I get off the stage and people come and say to me, oh, when you said this, when you said this and I go, did I say that like at the time, just literally flew by and I can’t even remember it happening.

And so. Well there, I’m doing something, but I’m in bliss. So I know you can bliss out and still be active and do stuff. And it feels like you’re immersing yourself in the action. So while you’re doing it, you’re [00:22:00] feeling it at the same time and it would feel good. It wouldn’t feel complicated or you wouldn’t, if you were doubting yourself while you were doing it, you’d be out of the present moment.

So immersing yourself in, when you talked about your kids and you know, they’re going to do something they don’t want to do well, is there any way they could think about it in terms of, of the fun of it? Like what could they look forward to in what you do? So that w you line up, you use the word alignment, and I love that if you lined up with what you did before you did it, that would help just by imagining.

It going well. And then in that imagining, you’re feeling it in the present moment in bliss. So you’re imagining something happening and it’s going to feel great. I do this with public speaking. Imagine it going really well. And I feel what it feels like. And now I’m in the moment in bliss. [00:23:00] And then when you’re actually doing it, it’s going to feel a lot more blissful because you’ve memorized the feeling of bliss in the.

Yeah, so it’s immersing yourself and that’s why the time flies by because you’re totally immersed in it.

do you find in your life, that the more that you are in a state of bliss, the more you attract to yourself, things that help maintain that bliss sort of like that law of attraction, the more that you are, have your attention and energy on, on sort of your enjoying the present moment and more, you have things to enjoy?

Jody: Yeah,

it feels like a knowing. like, I mean, I feel like if you really want something, if you really line up with, with, less the outcome, so it’s not the destination, but it’s the direction and that direction would always just be moving forward, and it would always feel good. So if you always were moving forward with [00:24:00] what you’re doing, so you’re overall accomplishing something in the moment and it always feels good.

You got it. You’re totally there. There’s nothing more, you don’t need whatever the, the actual goal is it’s going to happen. You don’t have to attach to it because goals are made up really. I mean, they’re made from you look good today and you go, well, I mean, I’ll look at my competitors and like, Past data and I’ll look at the environment what happened last, but all of that, this assumption, like, even if it’s actual data, it’s still assumption you’re taking today and projecting it on tomorrow.

So really what happens when things don’t go the way you want is reality showing you. Your goal isn’t reality rallies showing you this is real life here. So any way you push reality away is. Not accepting it. And the, the thing about reality is it’s done. Like when [00:25:00] something, a problem lands in your lap, if it’s already done, like we did, it’s done.

That’s why it’s there. You can’t change it now it’s happened. so now it’s about just continuing to move forward, not doubting it and going backwards, but going forward with, with bliss, just continuing to feel good about in the moment, feel good about what you’re doing, which would be accepted.

Gissele: Yeah, thank you for sharing that.

because I think what you’ve said is so powerful so often for us, you know, like seeing is believing, but you’re right. The one the manifestation occurs that was yesterday’s belief in or previous past beliefs and emotions or feelings. Right. And now whatever is in your current reality was what you previously thought about that experience.

Gissele: So people tend to then recreate focus on what they’ve created and then. What is in manifestation and then keep recreating that because they’re still focused on what’s happening in the, rather than [00:26:00] focusing their energy and attention on what they want to create for themselves. Or like you said, how they want to move positively forward.

Jody: Well, yeah, even when, when, yeah, sorry. When you, when you, when you accomplish a goal, It’s never going to be enough. Like it’s never, you’re never going to get the goal and go, that’s it. I figured it out. Okay. I’m done. It will never be enough. So goals are never enough. So what I really feel for ambitious people is you never feel like you’re enough.

You’re always living to improve your life. Instead of, and it makes it so hard to appreciate the life you have, but the life you have is the one you wanted. Like, you wanted a spouse, you got one, you wanted a dog house, a job, you got it, but you can’t appreciate it because you always think you have to improve

just the way we’ve learned to live. Right.

Gissele: Yeah.

 It’s about the journey. [00:27:00] How can we live each moment from a state of like bliss and joy in enjoying the moment rather than, and then as we, that doesn’t mean we don’t, we don’t have to look forward to things, right?

Gissele: Like if we just build a successful career, we can do that. But living from the. Space of bliss in enjoying the journey. And I don’t think we often do that because like you said, we’re so outcome focused we’re so I want to get to that point so that I can then enjoy myself. And then when you get there, don’t because in your own case lie, you know, like now I

Jody: need another goal.

Gissele: Yeah. So, so. What do you think our listeners would be benefit from in terms of what, what could help them really kind of have bliss in the moment? so what strategies do you normally suggest to your audience?

Jody: Yeah. well, strategies are a lot like goals, but what I do love is, I’ll just talk a little bit about [00:28:00] the mind.

what I’ve learned about it, is that we have constant dialogue going on in our head and their thoughts. And if he here’s what I do for myself to slow down the thought train. I ask myself, who are you talking to?

Jody: Like I could get off this call and I could be like, that went well. Well, I did say that. I wish I didn’t say that. Why didn’t I? And I could just say, who are you talking to? And that stops the whole thing, but the reality is that we always have constant shatter. And that is the thing that keeps us out of the present moment.

I mean, if we found anything, we would listen, we would. Not analyzed, not judged, not, I just think all that’s so complicated. it’s years and years of like what you’ve been told and goals and what’s worked and what has, and I wouldn’t go there at all. I would just, notice. I’m not in the moment because my mind is going like this and [00:29:00] it, none of it’s true.

It’s all assumption. None of, if you actually looked at any of the thoughts in your head, they’re not actually real, they’re just assumption. And so now we’re viewing our world through this made-up bunch of assessments that, I mean, it’s, it’s just not so, What is it? so there’s a bunch of different stats, but I’ll just quickly share some of the ones I’ve heard.

70% of our thoughts are the same ones we had the day before. So that would mean those thoughts. You know, I believe I’m too introverted say. And so now you have a thought pattern that says you’re introverted and it’s not good enough. And now you’ve got all these thoughts around that, that you keep replaying over and over and over, and that is keeping it in your life.

So, Again, I wouldn’t analyze any of that about anyone, but just to let me know, that’s what that is, that 70% of thoughts. And, and then they say over 60% of those thoughts are negative. So, I mean, [00:30:00] if we just look at that alone, we could see how we could improve our lives. Drastically is just watch those thoughts a bit.

And I do think it’s watched it be aware of it, not trying to change yourself, but just be aware. And those thoughts will start to subside. I like to just drop the thought right in the middle of it. Oh, I don’t need to think that. And it feels so relieving because the thought holds the feeling in you. So if it’s a negative thought, you’re holding a negative feeling, all the adrenaline and all that stuff is impacting your muscles.

And I believe that’s how it imprints itself in your body is through the continuous thoughts cycle. So slow down, your thoughts would be so helpful for anyone. And one of the ways to find bliss like. Easiest way is just go direct to bliss. you would need to stop thinking. I, in the beginning, especially was really into more of the positive thought and I think it’s great.

I do. If you’re going to think go positive, because if we say happiness is [00:31:00] bliss, it means you take everything away and you have happy. So if you’re goaling yourself happy. So you’re saying I am happy. if you, in that moment feel happy, then you are happy. There’s nothing more to it. It’s a feeling.. So it’s feeling it in the moment.

I hope I’m not getting complicated here, but here’s the best way to bliss out. So find your bliss everyone can do this tomorrow morning when you wake up in the morning, you see when you’re, when you’re sleeping, you’ve slowed down your thought processes. and there are moments in everyone’s sleep where they believe the dream state, and they’re just in.

You’re just, there’s no needing to be anywhere. Do anything have a goal? You’re not remembering yesterday. You’re literally just in bliss. So you’re closest to your bliss when you wake up in the morning. So in the morning, every day, if you can, I’d start with even three seconds in the beginning. Just lie there.

Don’t grab your cell phone and don’t start [00:32:00] thinking about the day. Just lie there and feel. I mean, I would put the word happy in my head, like very simple, very general. So it’s not a goal, but just feel it. And you will feel your bliss. It’s right there. It’s actually a vibration. that run. I feel it runs through me.

And so for me to find it, I actually don’t have to find it, but I, it I’d feel a vibrational idea. I feel it mostly in my temples, but I can feel it through my body. It feels like turning on a light switch and there it is, but all that lights, which is your attention. You’re just, blissing out. You’re feeling that bliss inside you and it’s like an energy current running through you.

So just say, if you notice that when you lie in bed in the morning and you notice any sort of like XY, buzzy running through you, that’s bliss and you can get to it, having that more often in your life. You’ll never have, I don’t think maybe I can’t say. It hasn’t happened to me. I don’t know the be that way, your whole entire life [00:33:00] all the time.

I think that would be enlightenment, but you can definitely bring it to the things that you do. That’s to me, the part that I, try to contribute to is bringing bliss into the day to day bliss is meditation. If you’re a meditator, you’re going to get to bliss in, in different times. When your mind slows down, you’ll feel that bliss.

Gissele: Yeah, thank you for sharing that. I love that you talked about waking up. And in that moment, I’ve also found that right before sleep has also just as you’re about to fall asleep is because these are the times of least resistance, right? Because you’re not because you’re sitting into the next segment of your life, your time or whatever, because you’re going to sleep or you’re waking up you’re in that transition state.

Which is probably the amount of least resistance. And I do find that meditation throughout the day where you can is really helpful.

Jody: Yeah. Whenever I feel I’m stressed [00:34:00] tension, I just take, skip a beat, take a few breath. Breath really helps take a big breath and feel, feel it all. And then get back to whatever you’re doing, but line up with it before you do it feel good.

You know, this is going well because actually it is, I know a lot of people think that’s faking it. So I always say to people like people say, well, there’s such thing as toxic optimism. So you can imagine I’m doing these virtual talks now. Right. And so I get people all the time. Oh, that’s toxic optimism. I go, it’s not, it’s not toxic.

Like how could optimism ever be toxic? Again, it feels good optimism. the toxic part is the goal part. You, you’re trying to tell yourself, you have to be optimistic, but the truth is maybe you actually are. Maybe there’s just as much good as bad it’s rising at the same time. It’s just which one you decide to focus on.

The optimism is right there too. It’s not, [00:35:00] if you’re not faking it, you’re feeling it.

Gissele: It’s not a goal. I love that you said that, it’s interesting. Cause I’ve also heard about the whole toxic optimism. and I agree with you. Like, if you feel good that’s, there can’t be anything toxic about that. I think what happens is that people it’s, people re it’s, I go back to resistance cause people go back to resisting the state of where they are.

So they think I have to think positively because I’m just going to resist where I am and not accept. I’m just going to, if I just think it positively off, I’ll feel it, you know, it’ll align to it, but if you don’t believe it, or if you’re resisting something, you only really create more of that.

Right. Because your attention really is on resisting. You don’t want to create

Jody: it’s on the resistance.

Gissele: And so it’s, so I think people are saying, well, I don’t believe it. I don’t, you know, I’m just forcing myself to be positive. It doesn’t work. so what you had said earlier about the [00:36:00] beauty of acceptance and allowance and having those feelings and choosing to, you know, like instead of really like hating the, where you are or the thoughts you’re having.

Observing them and then accepting that’s where you are and choosing then to go into bliss and to maintain bliss even just the word bliss makes me feel good.

Jody: I love it. That’s what I say. I say to people just go bliss. Like if the word feels good, that’s freaking awesome. That’s your only goal is to feel good. There’s like a lot of what you just said there. And like, cause you’ve, you’ve got, that is it’s all about goals. Like the reason it feels bad when people tell you to be positive it’s because actually those people want you to be positive so they can be positive.

They’re looking for that reflection from you. Right. Like, and that can never feel good. Like it’s, I call it a hangover. So it goes like this [00:37:00] I’ll be happy when you’re happy. I’ll be happy when the economy changes, I’ll be happy when the world changes. So this is happy and it just doesn’t work that way.

It’s easier to be happy yourself. Then you will inspire happiness. So when people tell us to be happy, are they tough? You should be optimistic. I mean, you see it all the time and on the Instagram and I would go, what is it about this wording that just doesn’t feel right to me. And it feels like people are wanting other people to change so that they can get that from them.

But. It it’s inside you like the messaging has to, you have to feel it’s through you and then you’re, you’re working with a knowledge it’s insight. Whereas if you’re just saying, be positive. Cause I think it’s a good idea. Then that’s a goal again, it’s not a.

Gissele: Yeah. I was thinking about, how some people feel [00:38:00] guilty for feeling good.

So therefore that’s why they need the other people. a times current, which is like, well, why should I be joyful when other people are suffering, but suffering, isn’t going to alleviate their suffering. In fact, when you’re joyful, you invite other people to experience more joy. You’re making it acceptable.

Okay. Rather than us all staying. We have this comparison between empathy and compassion. Empathy is like suffering with, whereas compassion is like, Holding the space, with love and you know, like a desire to assist, right. but suffering where by in the same way, so

Jody: powerful. And in those words, I mean, there’s so many ways you could, you could go about that in many ways, but you could just go directly to feeling.

Directly feeling good part about it is actually really the simplest way. Like for a leader, the reason they look at their team and they see irritated annoyed [00:39:00] team is because they are irritated annoyed leaders. And that might seem like a bad thing. And you’re going to try to make a goal out of instead, just feel better.

Like look at the positive qualities of your team feel inspired when you go to work. and when you don’t that’s okay. Like, however, there is loads of inspiration. I mean, there are people on those teams who show up for work, not for the paycheck, they’re there for all the right reasons. And you might be totally missing it because you’re just looking at the irritated and annoyed people.

And they’re reflecting that back to you. But there’s all those great people. And even in the irritating annoyed people, there’s purpose, like there’s the purpose focus on that part. Like it’s all right there.

Gissele: I agree with you. Yeah. thank you for mentioning leaders. Cause that was going to be my next question.

in terms of, you know, bliss in the workplace, you know, with the great resignation and you seeing all these people that are no longer interested in working from our perspective in these [00:40:00] power over approaches. Oh, really? I

Jody: hadn’t heard that.

Gissele: Yeah. So when you see kind of the influencers, they’re creating from a place of joy, they’re making millions of dollars on like Instagram or Tik Tok and they’re doing it from not from the grind, but they’re just having fun and attracting abundance source themselves.

And then you have a group of people that are still working in environments that are. Like you said bliss less, right? Like they, they believe in the grind. Sometimes they’re not overly compassionate workplaces. Don’t see people as people, which is really a reflection of themselves, like you say. and so I was curious as to what you thought about what was happening with the great resignation in what you’re seeing in some of the workplaces you’re working with to help them.

that’s so what is this resignation then? That people don’t want to work anymore?

Gissele: Oh, no. So, so the great resignation, if that’s what they call it is huge mass Exodus of people leaving workplace. So [00:41:00] have you had like, especially in the U S there’s been millions of people that have actually left their work environments and some of them are starting their own businesses.

Others are finding other employment. So employers are having a hard time keeping and they think that if I just pay them more and give them more benefits, that will work. But really it’s about the workplace culture. People have been working from home for a while. They don’t want to go back to environments that are where there’s bullying and harassment or issues of race and equity issues.

So I was curious as to, what your thoughts were on kind of like this, this shift that seems to be happening because I do see. That environments are now wanting to embrace more greater compassion, greater bliss, greater, more emotion, like more the feelings , the greater, the no longer are they like, oh, you know, your emotions don’t belong here at the workplace.

You know, you leave those at holding your come here. I think that [00:42:00] is more of a shift to embracing more of our feelings.

Jody: Yeah, boy. so I’m guessing this resignation has happened because of the pandemic. People don’t want to go back. Oh, okay. So that, that might relate to. that you’ve now had time alone working and they can go, they think about going to the office and they realize, I mean, logically, I’ve got to get dressed, do my hair.

I got to get in my car, drive there and pay for parking and, get daycare and all that. And it’s there. The part of it is the weighing back. So that, that they’re, they’re going. So for most people, that’s where the it’s probably coming from is they don’t want. They see the freedom of this working from home.

So, I mean, one thing caught companies could do is embrace that. Like maybe they don’t need to come to work every day, you know? So that’s the logical part of what I think whenever that resignation is, but yeah, in the [00:43:00] deeper part of it is the feeling it’s that they, I mean, Maybe they’re more engaged at home.

See, I haven’t heard that. I, when I talk to people, I find they are not more engaged on their own working at home. They want to be in the workplace. So, You know, if it’s like a mass Exodus, it’s really related to that. It’s related to, we now have all this technology and freedom and I can start my own business and do it here in my little office.

And, but people will miss people. And then we already are, So that’s what an organization offers people, it’s people. And that’s what coming into the office offers people, experiences can happen this way over the internet, but oh, it’s so much. Valuable face-to-face if we can come together. So that’s, that’s your selling point as [00:44:00] you bring people back.

So there’s only really two ways to motivate people. the first one is through reward and punishment. You’d mentioned that, and then the other one is inspiration. So I would lean heavily towards inspiration reward and punishment is how. Do most things. So, that’s how we parent our children. it’s how we build our employment contracts.

If you do this, you get a reward. If you do this punishment, right. And that, so that’s often what goals are, is reward and punishment for me to get what I want. I need you to buy from me, or I need you to like me on Facebook or, and so we’re going to always throw, reward punishment at people and also at ourselves.

To get what we want. Right. But that is manipulating the external world to make it look good so that I can be happy. So again, so much easier to go straight to inspiration, and that is the bliss, the happiness. So if you had a workplace that was [00:45:00] inspiration, that was bliss. Compassion is a great word. All of those positive thought feeling more important, being words on culture.

Would be, I mean, I think you would have people crawling all over themselves to work for you. If you had that culture. Like, I would not want to be here in my office by myself when I can be around people who are inspired because their inspiration would lift me. So to create that you be there and you see the good in all the people, even when they seem, you know, they don’t want that.

Yeah. I hear so many stories. People don’t want to come to the office. People, you know, we can focus on that and that’s only gonna irritate and frustrate where you could focus on the bliss of the office. Like let’s have a blissful workplace when that. Like where we come to work to, to love each other and love the work we do.

Like if you [00:46:00] came to work and saw your value, you, you would look forward to your work every day would never be like, oh, I gotta go to work. it would feel like, oh, I get to go to work. I think if you had that, you had leaders. Who believed in their work and believed in their people, believe in your customers, even the really difficult ones, like the ones who complain, they’re giving you information that can help you evolve.

That’s what that complaint is. So like a workplace where you’re constantly evolving and the. Learning and growing, you won’t have people wanting to sit at home on a computer. And if they do couple times a week, that’s great too, but they’ll come to work for the bliss in the at-home so they can get the work done and they’ll go to work and be blissed.

And wouldn’t that be great? Like I would, I would love that. Yeah. And it wouldn’t be. [00:47:00] Sorry, go ahead. Sorry. I was just one last thing is that it would be a lot less about reward and punishment and more about the bliss. So whenever you feel like this is the hustle, whenever you feel bad because your team feels bad, you’re going to want to create reward and punishment to fix them and to change them so that you can feel better.

See that’s hustle. And the moment you start trying to create rewards so that people change, that you can feel better. It is never gonna it’s it’s gonna, you, there is no amount of reward and punishment that can make up for a lack of belief or inspiration, no amount. If you’re going to have to hustle so hard, more reward, more punishment, the truth.

The reward and punishment is the physical manifestation that keeps that bad feeling in your workplace. Don’t go there. Feel good. First. It’s a lot simpler. And now you’re going to find, I don’t need to [00:48:00] reward people. Guess what they actually want to be at work. I don’t need to give them trinkets and bonuses.

And they actually like the job, right? I don’t, I don’t need to punish people if they show up late for work because they, I know they really want to be.

Gissele: Yeah, absolutely. And I think we’ve demonstrated that the whole carrots and sticks things doesn’t work. It just doesn’t it just, and I think that’s what they’re seeing with this whole great resignation.

you know, what you said to me from my perspective is about redefining work, right? It’s about not looking at it. Like it’s a grind and I got to go to a job to make money. Whereas if I’m doing something out of bliss, like if I love doing something, like you said, you step into a stage. You, you know, do your thing.

Gissele: You are in bliss, you’re having fun. You’re enjoying the moment and you come out and it’s like done that. Didn’t feel like work. It didn’t feel like, oh, I’m doing this and I’m doing that. And I’m doing this. And I think it would be terrific if [00:49:00] everyone had an opportunity to experience that inspiration and passion and bliss in everything that they do, whether it be employment or, or, you know, like running a business or whatever.

but I think, yeah, I think that that would take a little bit of a mind shift for people, but I think people are getting there. I think they’re there they’re no longer wanting to work in the same traditional way.

Jody: Yeah, I think they are. And I think all of that is a good thing anyway, way it’s happening. So we may as well not fight it.

So there’s something great about all this freedom that we have through technology. It’s getting better. I mean, gosh, the stuff we can do through, if you notice it’s expanding, like it’s continual. Something like a blockbuster video becoming Netflix for the consumer was like, wow, like I can watch this stuff almost free.

I don’t have to take it back. Well, now those kinds of. Now, those kinds of technologies are popping up by the hundreds every single year. I mean, how easy can our [00:50:00] lives be?

Gissele: It’s absolutely fantastic. I’m cognizant of the time I was wondering if you could share with the audience, what you’re working on and where they can find you.

Jody: Oh, sure. Yeah. well I am, I, I do speeches. That’s my main, I’ve always, so what’s been great about the pandemic is cause I don’t travel on flights and go places. I’ve been able to go through this content and build this bliss stuff. And I’ve been doing more, building an online audience versus a live one, which I’ve enjoyed a lot.

So, those areas, I think Instagram is the one that is kind of. Come out as the main people follow me and that’s Jodi or cart with a slash in between it, I can send you all that. And then my website is Idoinspire.com and my book is called bliss out available here: https://www.amazon.com/Bliss-Out-Feel-Good-Habits-Hangover/dp/1774581086.

also in Blissoutbook.com. So, those are the ways [00:51:00] you can find me. I do post videos every day. I post a feel good habit, and that is a way of taking any one of the things that we talked about today and reframing it towards bliss. So I bliss out when I write the content. So it’s always going to be unique and it’s always going to hit whatever’s going on in the moment.

and they’ve really picked up steam people seem to really like them. So following me on Instagram, I put it on Facebook. I believe it’s on LinkedIn. So,

Gissele: yeah. Thank you so, so much, Jody, for being on the show, this was wonderful and enlightening conversation. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Thank you so much. And thank you everyone for joining us for the Love and Compassion podcast. .

and have a wonderful day. Thanks.

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