Ep.47 Mariah Kimball-Compassion While Parenting

A must listen! On this episode, we talk about parenting, vulnerability, difficult feelings, and the power of compassion in helping us become better parents.  In this conversation, we get real about challenging emotions we may feel as parents and how to approach these difficult feelings with curiosity instead of judgment.  If you are looking for some support in being more authentically you and dealing with the challenges that arise, then this episode is for you. 
Transcript

[00:00:00]

Gissele: hello and welcome to the love and compassion podcast with Giselle. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives in our world. Don’t forget to subscribe for more amazing content on today’s podcast.

We’ll be talking about self love and self compassion while parenting. My guest today is Mariah Kimball. Mariah will help you connect your mind, body, and soul to the love that fuels your earthly experience and allows you to reach your fullest potential and truest expression of love, which to her, they’re all the same.

Mariah’s a well of experience, including a master’s in the art of teaching. Certifications in nutritional therapy and other healing modalities such as Reiki and restorative yoga, her intuitive connection to divine liquid love and her interpretation of ancient wisdom through the Earth’s crystal memories make her work incredibly potent.

Please [00:01:00] join me in welcoming to the show Mariah. Hi, Mariah.

Mariah: Oh, my goodness. Hello. Hello. Thank you so much for having me. I am so excited and honored to be here with you today.

Gissele: Thank you. Thank you so much for being on the show. Can you tell our listeners a little bit about yourself and how you actually got to start doing this work?

Mariah: Yeah, so, I’m Mariah. I am been married to my husband for 11 years. We have a magnificent relationship that we’re always looking to deepen and open, to more love. We have two beautiful little girls Claire, who is eight and Juliet, who is six, and they are incredibly little sensitive souls who love so deeply and passionately and I myself love to do wild things like CrossFit and Jiu Jitsu, and I found myself in this work because I ignored.[00:02:00]

So much of what made me, me, and it really broke me and I realized that I can be a parent and Mariah all at the same time and be true to myself and enjoy those things that make me different. But it took showing myself a lot of compassion and love and vulnerability both with myself and with my husband to kind of get to this place where.

Life is really magical and full of a lot of love.

Gissele: Thank you so much. That was Beautiful.

 I was wondering if you could share a little bit about your experiences and your challenges with parenting and how that helped you be where you are right now.

Mariah: I would love to. I became a parent eight years ago and I, with my first kiddo, it was so easy. Damn it. It was so easy. She would just breathe and I’d be like, Oh, she needs food or like, I just [00:03:00] knew like there was this connection to Claire that really I can’t even explain it. I was like, I’m a good mom.

I give myself a pat on the back. This is so easy, right? Oh boy. That, that was short lived. That was really short lived. Because while Claire was open and I could read her energy and her needs really well, Juliet came along 21 months later and. Oh my gosh. I could not figure this kiddo out. She was such a magnificent little soul.

I could not make her happy. I could not connect to her. Breastfeeding was hard. I was exhausted. I was in a job I hated that I thought. I would be in for 30 years, right? I was teaching seventh grade and I was just strung out like I was doing all the right things, right? I, I was, I had the perfect job. I had the husband, we had the house, we had all the [00:04:00] things and I had two kids like, oh my gosh, so perfect.

I had two little girls and I was doing all the things and I was so unhappy and the harder I tried, the harder it It got, and I got to the point where I was so lost and in such a dark place that I was crying every day at work. I was, I was just drained. Things that used to light me up weren’t. And I, I fell apart and I think I didn’t realize at the time looking at it now I realized like, like, you can’t parent children the same way.

And I was trying to, but I couldn’t see that because my well was so empty. Like, I, there was no part of Mariah left I was stripped bare, and I’ll never forget. It was this everything peaks at once, right? Like, everything comes to, like, it peaks, but it’s really like this way, right? Because you’re, you’re in this hole, essentially, like, bottom of the barrel.

And, you know, it was totally a dark night of the [00:05:00] soul for me. My, I am significantly older, not significantly older, but I’m a little bit older than my siblings. And so at this time period, I was married and had children quite young. And so that put my, my sister still at home at this point. And so my mom was going away on vacation and she asked that I stay with my sisters.

Just to be a support to make sure the house didn’t implode. She’s like, bring the girls. It’ll be fine. I’ll get you all the food and all the things. Sure. Great mom. I can do that. I thought it would be a little vacation. Well, no, I fell apart and I don’t have a close relationship with my sister, but I will never forget the moment where.

I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was anxious. I was shaking in my body and I was like near tears and my sister is really intuitive and she looked at me and she’s never taken my girls. She had never helped me before. We’re not close and she’s like, I’m going to take the girls. And you’re, you’re going to go shower, you’re going to [00:06:00] take a minute and I will tell you, I sat in the bottom of that shower and I just cried and cried and cried.

And that was the lowest moment I had ever had in my life. I couldn’t make my kids happy I needed my sisters to do this. I lost my connection with my husband I was like repulsed by him. And I felt broken. And so that night, my husband and I sat down. It was dark. I’ll never forget it. We’re in this living room.

It’s not our house. I’m just like, I can’t breathe. I don’t know what I’m doing. I need help. It’s like, okay. Like, okay. And I, I had to get super vulnerable and say, this isn’t working. I had to be really vulnerable with myself and with him. And it was probably the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life.

Probably still to this day is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life was admit defeat. And then I needed help that I needed, some outside [00:07:00] support. To change that, you know, I look back on it now and I definitely had postpartum depression undiagnosed and what led me to that? I wasn’t listening.

I wasn’t feeling my will. I had no support, right? Yes. My parents were around and they take the girls, but it, it wasn’t enough. You know, it wasn’t, I was a new mom. I was young. I was working full time. I had a house, like all the things. Yeah. And no friends that understood that experience, right? I was incredibly lonely.

Oh my gosh. And just like thinking about that Mariah six years ago, you know, it was actually probably five years ago because Juliet, was probably like two months old at this point. I think that it gets a little wonky, you know, but like the Mariah was 5 years ago. The best thing I could have ever done was ask for support because now I’m like on the other side and I’m like, oh, my God, this is amazing.

So every time I [00:08:00] hit that low, I’m like, well, the other side is going to be amazing. This is terrible in this moment, but I’m going to do the work. We’re going to, you know, white knuckle it all weekend through these hard, difficult moments because parenting shifts like that parent. I was 5 years ago. I am a different parent today because my children have changed.

And so there’s this need to always be compassionate with myself. Like, yeah, I messed up, but I can apologize. We had this moment the other day, and we just got back from a trip from Disneyland. And I will tell you, it was fantastic. Like, the girls were fantastic. Like, And I have, pretty typical children, right?

They’re extremely sensitive, but they’re healthy. They’re, they’re very typical. And there was this moment where my daughter’s like crying and like, she’s almost crying. And she’s like, she’s just not acting the way I wanted her to act where it had freaking Disneyland. And she’s given me a hard time.

Right. And I literally said to her, I said, I just don’t expect an eight year old to cry when they’re at Disneyland like this. Like I’m just disappointed. [00:09:00] And I said it and I was like, Ooh, like it hurt. And like, it immediately like shut her down, the tears were gone, you know, and later that day we were walking down the road while holding hands, walking, you know, so much walking in Disney.

My gosh. And I, I said, I had this, and my mom was there, so it was an incredibly vulnerable moment. Because grandma was there and I was holding Claire’s hand and I had this feeling inside that I needed to apologize. I just needed to own it. That’s not the kind of mom I want to be. I don’t want to squash her.

Obviously there was, this moment of tension. She wasn’t getting what she needed. I wasn’t being clear, right? And I said, hey Clary, remember earlier when I said I don’t expect an 8 year old to cry? She’s like, yeah. Like, I’m really sorry for that. That didn’t feel good in my body. I’m sure it didn’t feel good to receive that.

I’m so sorry. I’ll try and do better next time. I said, I hope you’ll forgive me. [00:10:00] And she, she kind of looked at me and my mom is standing behind me kind of walking a little off behind me. And she kind of looks at me, like gives me a little side eye. And she’s like, I’ll forgive you this time with a big smile on her face, you know, and that was it.

We moved on. And I, and that gave her this moment of like, Hey, mom’s human. And that reminded me like, Hey, She’s got a little sense of humor. She’s human. She’s growing. She sees me. I see her. It was a perfect, imperfect moment, but had I not been compassionate with myself and like looked at that forgiveness and been vulnerable, man, that could have been a moment of like lowercase T trauma for Claire, you know, where those little moments where we don’t listen and we shut things down and we react instead of respond, like that adds up over time.

Wow. Thank

Gissele: you for sharing that.  you shared so many powerful things. [00:11:00] I just want to start with what the story you just shared. Because I think part of the issue is that sometimes we’re not honest with ourselves about what we feel. And so I’ve been at Disney. I’ve been in your situation.

sometimes You’re frustrated because you’re thinking I paid all this money. I’m tired. Cause it’s not always a vacation for the parents. Yeah. And so there’s like walking, there’s paying, there’s doing a coordinating, but you want it to be magical.

And sometimes the kids pick up where we’re at. I thinkThe whole story was really beautiful. Number one, you admitting and acknowledging that you were frustrated and that you were Yeah. You’re like, you know what? I’m really frustrated. This was my expectation. And when people, when we have expectations, people don’t often meet them.

And I think that causes us suffering and the fact that you were able to reflect and go back and. Be able to reconnect with your kids because there’s so many moments where we connect and then [00:12:00] disconnect and connect and disconnect and connect and disconnect. And when we don’t connect back, I think that’s what causes the greater distance and the trauma and so on.

And so it’s so beautiful that you were able to say, look at I’m not always going to get it right, but I’m trying my best in the relationship is more important than being right. So I think that’s, that is fantastic. What was your mom’s reaction? I just have to ask that question. What was your mother’s reaction?

Mariah: It’s not a peep out of her. I think she, I, I have no idea. And I wish I could, I wish I knew, but I didn’t even dare look at my mom, you know, my mom is a fantastic mom. But we choose our I totally believe that we choose our parents because they have the greatest lessons to teach us. So no matter how magical of a parent I am, or my mom is like, we’re always going to come to a childhood with some stuff with some baggage.

Right? And so I parent very differently than my mom [00:13:00] does. And so I don’t know if my mom has ever apologize in that way to me and there’s, there’s nothing wrong with that. She just has a very different relationship with me than I do with my girls. And that’s that’s totally fine. And that’s magical in itself because she gets to see me parent the girls, but I also get to see her be a grandmother and like have this.

Different relationship and, and, you know, it’s not a do over, but it’s this magical opportunity to be softer to be a little gentler. And I see her doing that and it’s really cool. It’s really magical to see. And she honors me as a mom, which is really nice. And she has, never questions me or my parenting.

And so that feels really good, but I think her what, what I [00:14:00] think is really cool is her not saying anything is her saying a lot in a really beautiful way. And I can fully respect

Gissele: that. And she might have had, and I don’t really know this. Different feelings about it. Right. So my parents grew up in that old school mentality when you didn’t question your parents.

And, you know, I, and I love my parents. My parents are great parents. They’re doing the best I can. I’m doing the best I can with my daughter. And recently had a conversation where I said, you know what? Majority of the time, I don’t know what I’m doing. Kids aren’t born with a manual. So we’re just winging it out here.

 And so we are all doing the best we can.really it’s true in, in that forgiveness is so important going back to my parents situation, they grew up in that kind of household where you were like, the parents always write that you don’t questionAnd I know my parents have had problems or issues with their parents and not being able to say, and so that seeing the difference in the generations between their parents [00:15:00] and us growing up and being able to have these conversations, I think it’s very healing. I think it’s very, very healing you

Mariah: so healing and just have awareness, you know, that around this.

And I think in a healing we do, you know, in this generation, it affects both ends of the spectrum and the children to come and the parents who came before us. I think it totally heals the lineage in this really beautiful way. It’s soft. It’s, it’s compassionate, you know, it’s like every little thing we do has massive impact.

If allow it to, you know,

Gissele: and I totally agree with what you’re saying. I do believe that any healing that we do not only impacts our past, but our future and our present as well. I do want to go back to what you had shared before in terms of the struggles you were having in parenting your child. Because so often as parents, we You know, one of the reasons [00:16:00] why you might’ve patted yourself on the back is because you felt it was easy and you were doing it well.

And then when you weren’t doing it well, or you, or you perceived you weren’t doing it well or didn’t know what was happening. We tend to really judge ourselves. we get so hard on ourselves because we think we have to be perfect and we think we have to be the perfect mother and we have to be always so loving and all of these things.

Why do you think that is? Why do you think that we have kind of this programming to compare ourselves? To have to need to be perfect. I

Mariah: know. And that, that comparison harm is so real. Especially when we see other moms who are killing it. Doing it so good. And it looks so easy. And who’s

Gissele: killing it? I just want to know, like, who’s killing it?

Maybe I need to take some notes. You

Mariah: know, the mom whose kid’s hair is always brushed and looking good. Like, I need that mom’s magic. Please. That’s fantastic. Oh my gosh. That’s fantastic. Yeah. And you know, it’s like this. [00:17:00] We are so hard on ourselves and it’s so funny, the story that’s coming up to tell you to relate to this is my oldest daughter, bless her soul.

She cut my youngest daughter’s hair. And so like this first, like this chunk right at the top of her forehead and she cut it like to the scalp. So this was earlier in the summer. So we’re talking a couple, we’ve got a couple months of growth of like this crazy, like. Bang situation going on and we’ll get it fixed.

Now that it’s like an appropriate length, she’s going to get bangs and we’ll fix it, whatever. But like, I look at it every time and I’m just like, Oh man, like it feels like failure. You know what I mean? It’s like simple thing. Like why, especially like, it just, it hurts. Right. I also look at, I’ve started to look at it and be like, this is her season.

This is the season of Juliet where she’s got the messy hair. I grew up in a house that like your hair had to be brushed. It had to be out of your face, like, and hair is a big thing for me. Cause my middle [00:18:00] sister, you know, she never took care of her hair and I always told her, I said, if you don’t take care of that hair, I’m going to cut it one day.

I’m going to cut it one day. Well, sure enough, one day I cut her hair. She would never go to the hairdressers. And so we would trim her hair at home. I just cut it all off on her. And so I, you know, we bring these stories from childhood to, to our parenting. And so for me to be a perfect parent includes like the nice hair and it never happens.

And I always like. Send my kids to school a little defeated, like, and that’s judgy. I’m judging myself. Like, you can’t even get your kid’s hair done.

Gissele: Yeah. You know what? It’s so funny. So thank you for sharing the story. Cause it really triggered some stories for me. I was the kid with the messy hair and the sock down.

And I was always like, you know, like running around and getting dirty and didn’t care. And my mother would like, that was an important thing for her. Right. And so [00:19:00] the hair seemed to be an issue. And then when I had my daughter, my daughter’s hair would tangle really quickly. And so there would be times when I would be like, I don’t know how to do, cause my hair is curly.

So I eventually learned to deal with curly hair, but not straight thin hair. And so it would not in these bunches and I would crowd in Coleman and she would be crying because it hurts so much. And I’m like, I’m trying different things. And I felt like a terrible parent if she went to school with a big knot.

And it’s so funny. These are small moments. These are small moments that have such an impact. And to reflect back in one of the things that I actually did do was like, okay, I have to stop having this relationship with this kid’s hair in the same manner. So I researched, I started looking at the detanglers, the detanglers work.

Now we just, we layer it in different layers and found it doesn’t tangle. We’d comb it at night, like we, I wanted to change my relationship with what was happening because what I was doing is I was getting really, really frustrated [00:20:00] with not being able to get the knots out. And sometimes I would pull her hair and that’s what she would remember.

That’s how our interactions were. And so instead of being those nice moments of combing nice hair and making it nice, it was like, okay,

Mariah: let’s And then she feels shame and blame because she doesn’t have perfect hair that’s easy to brush, like, and so she has this, you know, relationship with her hair that’s tension filled, you know, I don’t know, she couldn’t possibly right and that’s what.

Yeah, she’s like, they’re totally fine. But like, oh, like, that just doesn’t feel good. You know, like, it’s just hair. Like, it’s part of her. It makes her beautiful. No matter what it looks like. Like, I’m not failing as a parent because my kid didn’t wash her hair. Like, it is what, like, we’re working on it.

We’re, we’re, we’re all human. We’re practicing, we’re learning, you know, and it’s, and it’s, I think having compassion too, because like, I, as I pay attention and [00:21:00] I have compassion for myself as a parent and I stopped judging myself, I get to know my kids better and then I can respond better. Okay. Juliet. No, I know.

If I say Juliet, you have to take a bath. She doesn’t associate washing her hair with a bath. I have to say, Juliet, we’re going to take a bath and wash your hair tonight. Like, I really clear. I know that because she’s so literal. If I don’t spell it out, she’s going to get furious with me and then I’m going to get frustrated.

And then, you know, we blow up over something ridiculous. But as I have compassion for myself and I reflect and I get to know my daughter more and I’m willing to see her truly see her as the little person she is, then I, then it makes parenting easier because I know, I know how to Handle her, you know, I can put the right kind of gloves on to handle my kiddo.

And then Claire, she needs a different set of gloves. She needs a different set [00:22:00] of eyes and a different language, you know, to take care of her and her and her anxiety, you know? So with one, I’ve got like anxiety and the other, I’ve got quick to anger, you know, both fine, but both require different things.

Gissele: Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And the compassion is so important, right? Because I think what you said was spot on. I realized that I would get frustrated with my children, especially around cleaning and all of those smaller things. When I had nothing left to give, like when I was already spent and full and I thought, Oh my God, now I’m going to have to clean, but they’re like, they’re not doing their chore.

No, making myself a victim. I realized that I would just snap at them. And I’m like, okay, so now when I realize I’m getting kind of snippy, I’m like, you know what? No. This is not who I want to be. I need to take time out to regroup and I even had to have a conversation with myself and say, you know [00:23:00] what the chores, do you really want to make this something that everybody dreads doing, including you, or do you want to actually just enjoy yourself even if they don’t want to do it?

If. If they need to be done this week, then I will do them and I’ll do it with joy because that’s what I choose. And if not, I just wait and say, okay, your chores. And I keep reminding them. But I had found since I released the tension and the need for it to be perfect and the need for it to happen all the time, I find that they’re more likely, especially my daughter to do it spontaneously.

Mariah: Yeah, and when you do ask, and it comes from a place of love, and not that tension, they’re much more likely to respond with love instead of tension, you know, and like, I’ve begun you know, going back to that part where you said, like, when I’m empty and I’m spent, everything’s bigger and harder.

You know, I’ve begun pointing out to my girls how I’m different from them, how my [00:24:00] energy and me as a person, I need different things than they need. You know, sometimes I am spent and I literally just need a day on the couch. Like. It’s just who I am. And I’ve come to accept that like every once in a while, more often than I care for.

I just need a day of nothing. And my girls aren’t like that at all. And it frustrates them to no end until I explained it to them. And I said, Hey, like, Mom, just, this is how I am like, if I’m going to function and have fun, I just need a day of nothing. And so, you know, a couple of weeks ago, I explained that to them and I sat in bed all day.

I’m not going to lie. I sat in bed all along and it was magical. You know why? Because I told them I was honest with them. I’m like, I’m not being lazy. I just need a recharge day. I’m spent. We had such a busy week. We’ve got big travel coming up. And I’m holding space. I’m packing. I just needed it. And they came in.

They’d bring little things to me. Hey, mom, will you play a [00:25:00] game like racco with me? I’ll bring the games. Absolutely. Let’s do it. Mom, will you read a chapter of my book to me? Yeah, absolutely. Let’s do it. And so they’d come in and these little pieces acknowledging that mom’s not going to get out of bed or do any wild, crazy things today, but she’s still here.

This is what she needs. How can I Support not like they don’t know they’re supporting me, but they’re like, okay, I see mom needs this, but I also need something. How can we kind of merge the two? And there’s still little, so they’re not articulating that, but it was really beautiful. And I was like, I can be the mom they need and be the human.

I need to, you know, it’s just beautiful melding, but had I had guilt or shame and no compassion around what I needed. They would have thrown a fit, get out of bed, get to do something. We never do anything. We did a lot this week. Let’s look at all the things we did that exhausted mom. And she just needs a little recharge today.

Yeah. I [00:26:00] see you, mom. All right, cool. So compassion goes so far in parenting.

Gissele: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing this. Cause I think this is really important. Number one is you determine what you needed in the moment and what you needed in the moment was to spend time by yourself doing whatever you felt was appropriate.

And so many of us judge ourselves for spending time. On the bed, on the couch, just not doing anything. There’s so many expectations, but rest is just as important as action. It’s just as important. And we don’t acknowledge that enough. Like, look at the culture we have burnout, the grind, the doing things like push through, push through, push through is the worst thing you could do, because that’s what leads to burnout.

And so I want to applaud you for actually saying, I need this and this is okay. And that’s what you’re demonstrating to your girls. It’s okay for me to put my own oxygen mask on first, [00:27:00] I’m still going to be here for you, but I don’t have to not choose myself to do that. Yeah. And I think that is super, super powerful.

Mariah: You articulated that so well. And being on the other side is someone who has chosen to put my oxygen mask on first and experience the positive effects of that. Like, I know that makes me a better person. I know it makes me more of myself and a better wife and a better mom and better like to show up with my clients.

Right? Like, It’s worth it. It is so worth it to just take that moment and assess what do I need? You know, even if it seems selfish, it never is. Right. Or what’s culturally appropriate. Like it’s not appropriate to spend a Saturday in bed. No, you know,

Gissele: determine that who, who decided that wasn’t you name names.

Obviously they were not,

Mariah: they were, they were not me because [00:28:00] like that. is so healing to me and fills my cup that I can do, you know, the, all the things the following week. And it’s so simple. And like, I’m can have those moments with my daughter, right. Where I can apologize. And I can say, Hey, that Wasn’t cool because I can see and I can reflect because I’m full.

My cup is full and they’re just not as big and the triggers are much smaller. And I can, I can see the triggers for what they are as triggers and I can respond to them and then go back to them at a later date and be like that. Why is that? But why is that, you know, turning me inside out backwards because there’s, there’s information there to be had.

What can I learn more about myself so that I can adjust, I can have compassion so that I can again, get to know myself better so that I can take care of myself and myself better.

Gissele: Absolutely. Completely agreed. I did [00:29:00] want to go back to something you had said around your kids. If, if, you know, if you hadn’t been compassionate to yourself, they would have had a different reaction.

I do believe that kids are a mirror of us. And everything that is happening. And so I do agree that if you are not feeling overly compassionate, for some reason, like they will pick it up and they will reflect back to you what you’re really feeling. And I think that’s why sometimes we as parents have such a, may have a challenging relationship with our kids, especially if they mirror back to something we don’t want to see or admit.

How do you manage those moments? Like where they, but they’re now compared to obviously what you used to when your kids reflect something and you’re like, ah, man, come on.

This one

Mariah: hits like, oh, close to home because I’m working on something right now that the girls mirror back to me. And I just recently realized that they mirror back to me. And I had this [00:30:00] moment of like, oh, Oh my God, they do that because I do it. So the girls do this thing where if they meet any resistance, where if I pause at all to give them an answer, you know, or whatever they go, forget it, I don’t, I don’t need help.

I don’t forget it. They get really frustrated. Like this big explosive reaction and I literally go, I just, I just need a moment to figure this out. Like I’m, I’m on your team, like let’s make it happen. Right. They don’t, they don’t see it that way. Right. And then there was this moment where I was in this situation with the girls where I had asked them to do something and they didn’t respond in the way I had hoped.

And I said, forget it. I’ll just do it myself. And I literally was like, Oh, Oh, Oh my. It like took my breath away and I was like, I was shocked and so I’m still [00:31:00] working on it, right? Because this is something I just realized. And so, you know, it’s really cool because I go, yes, I get to figure this out and fix it or change it or, you know, shift my reaction so that this doesn’t have to be this way.

But it’s also like a, Oh, this is my fault. Yeah. Not that it’s my fault, but it’s also like, yeah. Okay, great. This is really exciting because we can shift this, reaction that we both that we all have. This is like a household thing that we, that we’re working on here, guys. Like, okay. So, you know, now it’s going to be like paying attention to my response is going to, you know, I still haven’t had the conversation with my husband because I haven’t.

I don’t know if he does it yet. So, so it’s gonna require me to be like, Hey, Kev, I do this or you know what I mean? So I just, I’m gathering, I’m in the gathering phase of like, okay, what information do I need to have around the situation? Cause it’s wildly frustrating when the girls don’t give me a [00:32:00] moment to breathe, to give them a solution or to help them or support them and end up ripping things up or throwing things.

You know, they’ve got so much emotion and they don’t know where to put it, that it just like explodes. Right. So, I’m in the gathering phase where I’m going to gather the information and I’m going to look at it and then I’m going to change my behavior. I’m going to change my response, you know, but that might take a little bit of the day.

Why do I do this? You know, where does this stem from? Do I need more support? I don’t have the answer. I don’t have the answers. I don’t have a guidebook. I got nothing.

Gissele: Yeah. And that’s exactly how we feel as well. Like, and that was the conversation I had recently with my daughter, right? Like kids aren’t born with a guide.

We don’t know what we’re doing. We’re winging it over here. We’re like, okay. And some days we feel we got it. And other days we’re like, Oh man, I did not go well. My husband and I would look at each other and go, Oh man. Because sometimes kids come with challenges. That you might not have experienced right or you may have no and you’re [00:33:00] like, I don’t know what I’m going to do with this like, and so in in parenting in today’s world seems really different than.

Then before, right, if there seemed to be more community, there seemed to be more, regardless of how we felt about that community and you know, like the aunties and uncles and all of those things. It just feels like we’re much more isolated and alone nowadays in today’s society that we don’t have that kind of connection anymore of like.

You know, like the grandparents and aunts and uncles and coming that huge like circle of love of people coming together where you could just like, okay, I need a moment. Here you go. Right. And so it just feels a lot more more difficult, I would say. And

Mariah: it takes more energy to get those alone moments because we don’t have that community.

So it’s harder. There’s like another layer of muck. We got to wade through because it requires a babysitter X, Y, and Z and a phone call and half hour drive or, [00:34:00] you know, some people might even be a plane ride. So I applaud moms and dads who take that challenge because it is a challenge to get what you need, like, and it requires bravery and vulnerability to be like, I need help or I need something that I don’t have.

And to really look at yourself and be like, what do I need? You know, this gathering phase, where I’m looking at all the things, it’s uncomfortable, like this shifting and parenting with compassion. It’s uncomfortable because you have to look at what’s not working and what you’re doing that, you know, detrimental to your relationships.

And man, it, it hurts to not be right all the time. It hurts to, you know, not be perfect, you know, until you acknowledge, until you reach a stage where you’re like, Okay, with that and you lean into that and you love that and you revel in that and you’re like, [00:35:00] but that takes a while to get there through that.

You know, I’m essentially 6 years into this journey of. Transformation because that’s what it is, you know, as I transform and I look at myself like I am a new person 100 million times over compared to that little girl who gave birth eight years ago. Like, I, there is nothing other than the fact that I was practically a little girl compared to the woman I am today.

And it takes so much, Love, compassion, and bravery to make those shifts in that transition. But I can tell you it is so worth it. It is so worth it to seek help and support. And I think, yeah, we don’t have a parenting guide and our kids don’t have a, have a book that they’re like, Hey, this is all the secret sauce you’re going to need for your kid.

Yeah. But there are women out there who are in their wise woman stage and they have great [00:36:00] advice and they’ve been there and they’ve done that and they’re willing to be guides, you know, and to tap into that wisdom. To find those nuggets. You know, recently I heard someone say, it’s like following the breadcrumbs, right?

Like you follow these resources and you take what feels really good and you leave the rest. You may love some of the stuff that I say. And you, you may hear me say something. You’re like, Oh, she’s a, she’s a quack. I don’t know. That’s fine. Take what feels really good and run with it. You know, if I say a word that you’re like, oh, I need more information, but research it, follow the rabbit hole.

You’re going to find a wise woman at the end of that, who’s, who’s you’re going to connect with. I may not be your person and you may not be that person, but like there, there’s a person for you who can be your guide if you’re willing to listen. And I swear, and that person can change over time. You know, I’ve had like probably two really transformational

[00:37:00] women in my, like in the last six years that like, whoa. You’ve, you’ve, you’ve done it. You’ve been there. I need, I, I’m going to listen, you know and I, I’ve, I’ve actually outgrown both of them and here I am, and I’m kind of standing on my own and I’m like, Oh, this is pretty amazing. Right. And there’s still more to learn and I know that and I’m, you know, hungry for the next lesson, because I know how magnificent life is.

When you like do the work and you’re willing to look and be compassionate. And it’s so like, I, I see these posts online of these women who just like stuck and these, I’m reading a book right now and they call it like, I’m, you’re stuck with a frog, you’re frog farming. You know, you’ve got this man who, you know, once was Prince Charming, now he’s a frog.

And like, if you’re willing to look at yourself and to see what’s changed and what’s shifted, man. Little [00:38:00] tweaks can make such a big difference. But the spark of that is compassion and love. Like you’ve got to have a little spark to, you know, start you down that rabbit hole to find the wise woman to support you so that you can become that wise woman.

You know, sorry

Gissele: for the tangent. Oh, no, this is great. You know, one of the things I was thinking about is the fact that you’ve outgrown these women is a sign that they’re good teachers. Cause a good teacher builds other teachers, right? Like builds other masters. So I think that’s really pivotal. I think the other thing that you said that really struck me that I think it’s really important to point out is, how probably this work about becoming vulnerable, about really facing all those uncomfortable emotions doesn’t feel good in so often we’ve been taught to run away from those bad feelings, but our success.

It’s really through those emotions. And how as [00:39:00] difficult as they are in the beginning, I love the fact that you now enjoy them like a little bit. Just the fact that you’re like, okay, that was uncomfortable that my kids showed me that it’s me, you know, like Taylor Swift, it’s me. I’m the problem. It’s me. But at the same time, you’re like, okay, I get to deal with this now.

It doesn’t have to be our forever. And I think there is a shift. So that’s great. Hope for people to understand that it’s not always going to feel that same level of discomfort in the beginning. It sucks. But then as you go through, you do get to the point where you’re like, ah, okay, I get to deal with this now.

And now we get to have a different outcome. So I think that what you said was really, really powerful and important because often we’re taught. Move away from the negative feelings, move away from that uncomfortable, move away instead of leaning in, right? Yeah, and

Mariah: like protect. Protect, yeah. I [00:40:00] have a story that came to mind, would you mind if I shared it?

Yeah, of course, please do. And I want people to really know that these moments can be Tiny moments, but they tell us so much. I don’t I recently had one of these moments where I was laying on the couch and my mom’s, she likes to cook Sunday dinner, which is magnificent. Cause I don’t enjoy cooking.

So we’re laying on the couch and Claire came up to me, this was several months ago, and she’s just like snuggling with me on the couch at my mom’s and I’m, and I’ll tell you, Oh my gosh, did it make my skin crawl, you know, like, Oh, And I was like, I just wanted to shove her off. I just wanted to yell at her and be like, get off me.

Like you’re eight years old, seven years old. You don’t need to snuggle with me on the couch. Right. And I took a big breath in and I was like, you don’t need to shove your daughter off the couch. It’s okay. If you are uncomfortable in this moment, like this is information, like [00:41:00] tuck it away. You, this is bigger than you.

And I knew this was a moment I needed support with. And I have a woman I see every month who like a therapist. And I like talk through this, this stuff with her. So I pinned this moment and I said to her, I want to be able to snuggle with my daughter and not want to push her to the other side of the room.

This made me so uncomfortable. Like, Right. And I could have pushed her off me. I could have done all these things to protect myself and make myself more comfortable. Right. Cause she triggered me. And I could have lashed out, but I like, you know, get a little twitchy and you, okay, this is information. All this is, is information.

This is uncomfortable in this moment. And this is a fairly simple trigger to talk you through. Right. And so I pinned it and I. Go to Debra. Her name is Debra and Debra breaks me down and she holds space and I cry and go through all the things. And she asked me all the hard questions and I [00:42:00] really have to look at myself.

Right. And I, I will tell you, I’ve been seeing Debra for every month for three years, every month. And I am a, my life is fantastic. I will, I will, I brag that my life is really magnificent. And I still see her every month. Like. I want life to be better. It can be better. Right. And I say this to brag from a place of like reverence, like you deserve more.

You, you are deserved to be bigger than your triggers. And so I sat with the uncomfortableness. She helped the space for me. I really looked at why I was uncomfortable with this and my oldest daughter snuggling with me in public and all the things, right. And I looked at it and I will tell you, I love when she snuggles with me now, I got over that.

I acknowledged it. And I just spent a week and Disney with both of my girls [00:43:00] glued to me, hand holding lots of hugs. And I was totally okay with it. And I reveled in it. And I said, this is what my girls need. They’re sensitive. They’re touchy feely. They’re nothing like I was when I was a child. And it no longer triggers me had I not looked at that and done the work and and gone to my person.

Right? I really believe everybody needs a person that therapist, whether it’s traditional or non traditional to, like, talk these things out to whatever the, the modality is. Right? And. It was so magical. Cause I literally looked and I was like, I have the capacity to hold both my daughter’s hands all day for seven days.

And like, I don’t feel overwhelmed. I don’t feel itchy and gross in my own skin. This feels really good because it wasn’t about my girls. It was about me, you know,

Gissele: and this story, it’s so powerful. It just so powerful [00:44:00] It comes from a place of non judgment, which is the foundation of his compassion, right? So rather than you could have, you know, shoved your kid to make yourself more comfortable, you didn’t.

So, but rather than, but you could have also been judging yourself even while your child was there. Had you not chosen to just put a pin in it to observe later, I think it would have been actually being with her in that moment harder. But the fact that you chose, okay, I’m going to put in this, I’m going to look at it from a place of non judgment and able to lean into those discomfort, this uncomfortable conversations.

Because we all as human beings have varying different levels of discomfort about different things. Sometimes, you know, like. My parents are going through a caregiving situation where my mom is caregiving for my dad. Sometimes that’s really hard. Sometimes it’s hard for her to not to, to deal with those negative feelings [00:45:00] of having to care for someone and feel overwhelmed and feel burnt out, right?

You feel guilty because of your partner, but at the same time, you’re like, Oh, I just, I’m stuck with, you know, caregiving. And so caregiving can be really challenging and to be in those moments and be able to look at those experiences without judgment and to say, okay, what’s the gift in this moment? I may not be able to see it now.

Like you said, I’m going to go to my person and help me dig for gold or just look, look at that gift and then be able to then get to the other side so that now you are holding hands and really enjoying it. Not just forcing yourself because of the girls. Or not judging yourself because, but actually truly reveling in being able to hold hands with your beautiful children.

So I think that, and that takes so much courage. What role has courage played in your life?

Mariah: Lord courage. Huge. I feel like every, you know, there’s this conversation brewing with my husband that I need, I need to look at [00:46:00] something. I realized something, right. I’m always learning. That’s part of who I am deepening my relationships.

And I’m reading this book, this magnificent book. And I, and, you know, me, I’m kind of, I kind of, Open this book being like, I’m not going to get anything out of it, but it was recommended and I’m going to read it and it’ll be great to help my clients and have some more language. And dude, if you ever have those thoughts, like, darn it.

If there’s not something massive for you to learn in that book, or that experience. Right? And so there’s something I, I realize, and I, I need to approach him with this conversation that I need to have literally not today. I need to build a little courage. I need to like, look back on my belief bank. Right.

I need to look back on all those times that I was vulnerable and I was honest and the outcome was magnificent. I need to just. Remember those things and we may not always have that belief bank to lead on to lead on lean on, [00:47:00] but there’s always a moment. I, I truly believe if we look hard enough, we can find places of positive reinforcement that just reminds us, even if they were so small that this situation or this person, you know.

Will have a positive outcome that I can believe wholly that this situation will be resolved, that I will be seen, that I will be supported, you know, and I, that’s one of the first things I always recommend my clients do is like write your belief bank, where have things been so desperate and dark and they turned out okay.

Hey, you’re still alive. So I think they turned out. Okay. Right. You’re still here. So there’s at least something. And so right now I’m going to spend the next day and a half really leaning on my belief bank that he will see me and he will respond from a place of love. I’m not worried about him. [00:48:00] I know he’ll, he’s going to respond really beautifully, but it’s vulnerable for me.

Cause I need to admit that I’ve done something that’s not, That I can improve on that. It hasn’t been from a place of love. Not that I’ve done it purposefully, but it’s like this, this habit that society allows us to do and see as fine as like emasculating men in this way. And like, and I realized this and I realized that part of, you know, something we’re working on together for him is my fault.

And I play a big part in that. And so owning that’s scary as heck. So I’m going to spend the next day building up my courage, you know, building from that belief bank so that I can have this inner strength to kind of lay myself bare and say, I messed up. Let’s like, help me, you know, fix this so that we can have even a more magical, deeper, [00:49:00] loving relationship.

So I, you know, I. Been at this for 16 years and I’m still like, Ooh, there’s stuff, stuff to fix, you know, at 11 years in this marriage. And we were wildly in love and we’re in a magnificent place. And I’m still like, Ooh, I need a little courage to be vulnerable. And, that’s okay. Like I don’t, if it’s ever easy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think not that it needs to be hard, but if you’re not needing to be a little courageous and a little brave, like. Hmm. Are you doing the right thing? Like, I’m not going to lie. I was a little nervous for our conversation today because I knew, I knew you were going to ask great questions. I knew that I was going to have to be vulnerable.

And so I was like, you’re just going to take a deep breath. You know, she comes from a place of love and that this is going to help so many other parents, like, like let’s do it, like, let’s do it. And so it’s. It’s just like finding that strength, building it up and knowing that the other side [00:50:00] is magical.

If you’re willing.

Gissele: Yeah. Thank you. I just want to point out two really important things that I feel you said from my perspective are really resonated with me. Number one is the power of pause. So often we rush to have conversations or to address issues or to just react whereas pausing and really, like you said, tapping into your belief bank or putting a pin in it in the moment really does enable us to really reflect.

And then respond. The second thing that I thought was really, really powerful and important is, focusing our energy and attention on the outcome that we want, rather than what we are afraid of. And so often we focus on the things we’re afraid of, which Like contributes to us feeling even more vulnerable when really we can use that same energy and attention [00:51:00] and place it on the outcome that we want to experience.

And this kind of comes from, you know, you know, I know that you are a very spiritual person and I’m a long term student of Neville Goddard. And he talks about, you know, how your beliefs impact your reality and everything is perception really.

And, you know, you can have the outcome you desire if you put your energy and attention on that, instead of focusing like we always do in society of all the things we’re afraid of, all the things that are negative on all the things we want to fight. And so what I got out of your belief bank really was, okay, so can I then focus on the outcome that I desire, believe that it will happen Put my energy on that and then be open to whatever feelings come up because it’s the resistance that makes us suffer, right?

The resistance to feel the feelings we have and so thus enabling us to move forward. So I think you made some really important points about [00:52:00] courage. Are there Are there any areas in your life where you have found that letting go and releasing the resistance has really led to really being able to, live a more fulfilling life sort of the, the letting go allowed you to receive?

Mariah: Oh yeah, yeah, absolutely. I guess I’m just going to be really vulnerable today and like, thank you. Yeah, so. I, yeah, so when we hold on so tightly to things that aren’t, especially that aren’t working right. We desperately want them to work. Oh, gosh, like, if I just do this 1 thing a little differently and I push a little harder, it will work.

And that’s not the case. [00:53:00] So, I’m in a massive place in my life right now in a transition of my career. And this is so magnificent, but let me tell you two, three months ago, I did not think it was magnificent at all. Right. I worked for a company. It was magnificent. I had amazing coworkers. And I, I grew so.

Much like this pushed my at this job, push my edges so far and like really transformed me quite magical. It took like my teaching skills and applied them to business to like really powerful women. Like, it was amazing. It was like my dream job. And I lost it in April, and there was so much fear around not having an income of not being worthy of my family because I wasn’t producing income, right?

That’s not true. I have a lot of worth in my family besides just the money I bring in, right? And so I [00:54:00] created some programs out of fear, out of pure desperation. At the time, I didn’t realize that. And To be quite honest, I don’t enjoy them. They were created out of fear, out of desperation, out of I’m not worthy to just be in my family.

My husband makes Enough money that we can, we can live comfortably. I don’t need to, I didn’t need to stress. Yeah. Maybe things a little tight. We just need to look at a little like, sure, of course, but not this desperate. I need to go make money right this second. Right. And it’s, it hasn’t been easy. It’s been an uphill battle.

June, July, August, September, October, it’s been five months and it’s been not enjoyable. It’s been incredibly draining. And it’s not working. Yes, my clients are getting something out of it in their joint. But it’s not working for me. And I’ve been holding on to this fact that I [00:55:00] need to have income in order to be valuable in my family.

And just in the last, like, three weeks, I’ve opened up to the idea that I can be valuable in my family and to my husband without an income. And to take a moment to step back and say, this isn’t working. It’s stressing me out. It’s putting tension in my relationship and relationship with the girls that it’s draining me.

So I’m, I’m quicker to that trigger, right? Just like I was at Disney, what I shared with you guys that I told my daughter is not appropriate for an eight year old to cry. Hell, if it’s not appropriate for an eight year old to cry, do you know how much I cry? Like, oh my, talk about being a hypocrite

Gissele: in that moment.

Mariah: Shoot, those tears, a lot of them, right? Yeah.

Gissele: And so prior

Mariah: here. Yeah. Yeah, totally a crier. And so I, you know, I am in this moment. I, I, this is the last [00:56:00] month closing it down. It’s gonna be, it’s like closing of ceremony is gonna be beautiful, and I’m truly leaning into just receiving for my husband. That is my goal.

Like, can I show up for myself? Can I show up for him? Can I show up for my girls in this really beautiful, feminine way? I want to lead my family. I want to be the feminine leader in my family. What does that look like? What does that feel like? Who am I, you know, what are all the ways in which I’m valuable?

You know, this is really scary. No, not something that I’ve ever leaned into. You know, I always thought I needed to produce income to be valuable in my family where that comes from. I’m not sure do I don’t need to know, but I do know that leaning in to just fully receiving for my husband and allowing him to support our family without stress, [00:57:00] trusting and opening up to that.

And receiving him loving me in that way. Whoa, I’m sweating just thinking about it like that’s big, right? Huge. And not every family has this ability. Right. I get that. But this is my journey. This is the reality I’ve created. And so, I’m nervous. I’m excited. And I’m really pumped about what February and April are going to look like because I cannot imagine our life in one year from now because a year ago, man, I, I didn’t realize how stressed I was.

I didn’t see all the things that, yeah, this job was perfect, but it was a massive stress, massive stress. I didn’t sleep well. I had migraines, right? So knowing that as I lean into opening this receiving container, what does this look like to receive in this way? Like what invitations are going to come my [00:58:00] way?

What beautiful work is going to come out of this because I’ve taken a breath. I’ve looked at. Who I really am and who I really want to serve and how do I want to serve in this life. Oh my gosh, I’m so excited. If I can, I’m trying to remember that I, I don’t just have to get through this rest period. I have to actually enjoy it first for it to Work..

Yes. I’m trying to like parameters around it. Like you’re only allowed to rest for a month or you’re only allowed to rest for three months. Like, no, that defeats the purpose Mariah. You need to. Open up and rest and receive all the bounty, you know, and then, and then the invitation and the opening will then come in spades.

Wow. Congrats. Congrats. Cause what

Gissele: you’re stepping into is the unknown, right? And so often, you know, so often we are so afraid to trust, like we didn’t grow up in us in situations where. We may [00:59:00] not always have trusted maybe our parents or people in our lives. And when we were taught that we always had to have that security.

And so to go into the unknown it requires courage. I’ve been in your shoes. I left a workplace that I was unhappy in, with very clearly guided to do something else like clearly guided and everything kind of. You know, move forward in order for me to be in that spot. And then Bob gets like nothing crickets.

And I had to go through this journey of. Number one, like you said, am I still worthy and lovable, even if I don’t achieve anything in the world? Like, even if I don’t, cause at the time I had lofty dreams, I’ve got to change child welfare. I was going to bring compassion to the world. I don’t know all these things I do.

And then I had to take a hard look at myself and say, can I still love myself? Even if I don’t accomplish anything, [01:00:00] even if I don’t fix the world or help anyone or do anything, can I still look at myself? With admiration and with appreciation. The second thing I had to learn was everything has its time, right?

Like everything kind of has its, its season. And how can I shift this moments? Cause I was like you, I’d work, I started working. I was 13 and I always had money and I was always working in here. I was like, Not having any income, not having any money at multiple degrees at all these things. And I was being guided to do this work and I’m like, I don’t know how this is going to turn out.

I have no clue. And for me, knowing what’s important, like control, like I need to control all these things. I need to know always working. Like what’s my next step. What’s like five steps here and to surrender in that capacity to just go, okay. It has been for me also. It has been [01:01:00] definitely. I don’t want to call it challenging, but it’s been dynamic.

I like to use the word dynamic, because it feels so unnatural to us, even though it’s the most natural thing. There’s been so many times in my life where the universe, God’s source has given me so many amazing things. But then I forget I going back into my fear mode, I go, well, I need to know where the next thing is going to be.

And it’s like, what the heck? So So yeah, so I can, I can totally understand that perspective of we need, we need almost to prove our value, that there’s a reason why we’re alive, that we have to kind of earn our worth. It can feel so challenging, and that’s probably been the best gift I’ve given myself, which is like, Okay, I don’t need to prove my get my worth to anyone, including myself.

So that has helped me a lot in [01:02:00] terms of being able to let go and I’m still, I’m right at the precipice of getting where I really want to know where, which is. Savoring. Yeah. Each and every single little moment savoring. What has been your relationship with that savoring

Mariah: You know? So I’m going to share something that’s probably going to make listeners a little uncomfortable. That’s okay. I’m used to uncomfortable in a really wonderful way.

So recently I went to an event, it was called desire on fire. And it was, it’s all about living your life of pleasure, like, like truly savoring, like being turned on about life. You know, and it, and this event was only like, 2 weeks ago and I’ve been, I’ve, I’ve been really in this, this place of tension because my life is.

Really wonderful in an [01:03:00] unbelievable ways, except this one little thing work isn’t quite right. Right. And I have this like, I can’t, I’ve had this, tension around like, well, I really can’t complain because the rest of my life is so wonderful that this one little thing that’s not working. I have no right to.

To want more. Right. Okay. That’s kind of like the background, right? So I go to desire on fire event. And these two women who have been practicing, savoring and leaning into this pleasure for many years, right? One of the sessions, She got up and she, and the session was all about bragging because as women, we don’t brag.

Right. We’re taught to like, get really small, you know, like, it’s not polite to share your wins, like all, all [01:04:00] the junk that comes up with that. Right. She got up on stage and she bragged. And when you brag from a place of reverence for yourself and a place of love and like true self love, like when you brag from that place, it’s a game changer.

And I will tell you, she got up there on the stage and she started bragging. Right. And she’s bragging about a lot of things that I could also brag about. Right. And she’s gone on about like, I don’t know, a few minutes and I’m like, okay, it would be polite for her to do one more brag. Like, this is me judging her.

Right. And I’m like, I noticed, I’m like, what the, what is that? Like, she can get up there as long as she wants to brag. Like, that’s the point of this. Calm down. Like, I’m like swatting that bitch off my shoulder. Like,

Gissele: shut up. This is not your turn, Nancy. Let’s go.

Mariah: That’s not the sister I want to be. So I listened to her and she gave me [01:05:00] permission.

Like watching her tears running down her face, bragging about her husband and her son and everything she’s overcome. Right. And I realized, like, Damn, I’ve come so far. Like I have so much to brag about in my life and I swear, listening to her brag. It may sound ridiculous. It flipped the switch in my brain that I was like, this is a good thing.

Bragging is a good thing. And there’s something about like bragging and acknowledging the wonder in your life that allows you to savor it. Right. And so really silly yesterday that I realized I had begun savoring life in a different way. I took my girls into staples. My daughter was demanding art projects and I needed paper and whatever.

So we go in and we’re walking in and I’m holding both my girl’s hands because now I’m not afraid of touch and I don’t mind it. Right. [01:06:00] And this woman is yelling from behind me, ma’am. And I’m like, and I turn around and there’s this woman running towards me with a green piece of paper. And in my head, I’m like, I didn’t drop anything.

I know I don’t have any green paper in my car. And there was like, I’m like, what does she want? And she’s like, I have this coupon for 10 off. Like, do you want it? And I was like, I was like, this is one of those moments where I can like truly savor like the synchronicities and the thoughtfulness of the

Gissele: abundance that is

Mariah: in the abundance that’s all around.

Like, it may seem so simple, but this was like a moment of like, Life is amazing. And I’m yes. Thank you so much. This is so kind of you. Like, Oh my God. Thank you. The light on this woman’s face. When I responded with like that love and that savoring, I lit it lit her up. Like she lit me up and then, and she lit up too.

And I was like, this. I need more of this in [01:07:00] my life. Like this was such a simple exchange, but like did so much for the both of us. I’m like, I savored it. I like breathed it in and I was like, yes. And then I was excited about it. And I was like, girls, we’ve got 10. Like we should buy something special. And the girls got to pick out like, you know, 12 for the little things that like little art palettes that they’re so tickled about that they can print, they can paint and then display.

Like, oh my gosh, so much abundance came from that. One moment. It costs that stranger nothing, you know, to give me a piece of paper. So I feel like I’ve truly leaned into what savoring life means in a different way since then, like, and everybody’s going to have their moments of like, that were that light switch flips.

And of course, I’m going to have moments where I’m not grateful. And I’m like, yeah. Yeah. Come back. You know, that’s life. Like life is not always going to be perfect. Like I’ve got that big conversation coming up with my husband that I need to be vulnerable about. But I [01:08:00] can savor that to like the juiciness of that intimacy and that connection.

Like, Oh, there is so much. So I would love it. You know, like if you start bragging, like, and you just start, I brag. And when you do it from a place of like reverence and love for yourself, right. And then all you can do to respond to someone who’s bragging is well bragged. So simple. Well bragged. Right. Like so simple.

But like, it’s just like this acknowledgement of you acknowledging the magic in your life that is so potent. And

Gissele: I think you raised an important issue, at least for me in terms of when I was listening to you. So often we don’t brag because we’ve been taught that is. Not appropriate, not compact, not kind to be bragging, especially if somebody is like, you know, you don’t tell a starving person that you have you, you had cake.

Right. And so, but so often we defer [01:09:00] our happiness or our celebration to spare other people’s feelings. But really, there is. A place to celebrate, right? Like there are people that you can celebrate with, you know, that they’re going to be like, well, and then when they brag, you’re going to be like, well, right?

Like you’re both going to be your cheerleader squad. Whereas I think. I don’t know. I think what I was kind of leaning into my discomfort when you were sharing that is more around, I do well bragging with people I feel safe with to well brag, and then they feel safe for us to go, girl. And then there’s other people that I know, like, I’m more cautious in terms of I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or make you think that.

Right. So I’m just gonna, you know, I’m not going to talk that much about it. Like, but, but I don’t know if I’m, what I’m leaning in with or into is like, am I then [01:10:00] minimizing myself in that moment so that you will not have a hurt feelings. I guess that’s what I have to sit

Mariah: with. Yeah. And I love that because right when you brag from a place of self reverence and love, people can feel that there’s a difference.

When I go, I got four candy bars and you only got two, like, like that’s different. Like that bragging is like loser fish. Yeah. And like when it’s bragging done, you know, and it’s sort of side and we’re putting down other women, that’s different. That feels yucky. Everybody feels that that is, that’s not safe.

That’s not good. Right. That’s not bragging. No. Yeah. That source that, that, that is you killing other women, like energetically emotionally like that. That’s a no go. But when it’s done from a place of love and I did it for the first time. Yesterday with a woman at my gym who we’re not super intimate about, however, there’s like this [01:11:00] camaraderie.

I see her all the time. So she’s like, I would, I would call a semi safe space and I recognize the fact that I’m not closer to bar women is because I’m not honest and I’m not truthful and I’m not intimate. I hold back a lot. And so therefore they hold back. And then, so then we, I lose this place of connection and compassion.

Right. And so I said, I said it for the first time. I said, I’m going to brag and I gave her a little brag and she was like, that’s amazing. And then she’s like, Oh my God, like, and she had something to share with me that responded. And so in that moment I created connection and like compassion and intimacy in this really simple moment with the with a brag, and I started with, I’m going to do a little brag.

And I gave her my brag, but it was a place, you know, like I had my hands on my heart and it was a place of reverence that I was sharing with her and she saw that and reflected it back to me. So I think, you know, reading the room, trusting yourself and knowing like, am I, [01:12:00] am I ready to step into this or do I?

Is today I’m a little tired and a little quiet and I need to make myself a little, a little small, you know, is this the right moment? And I think using that intuition, you know, we use our intuition so much when we’re parenting and going out in the world, like trust that. Oh my gosh, you know, oh my gosh, that is like the mom intuition.

There’s one thing I can tell women to trust it is that.

Gissele: Yeah. Oh yeah. For sure. I could tell you stories about the mom intuition. But I just wanted to acknowledge, like that, what you said, like, I felt like it really resonated with me and also the story about women. So historically, I was not taught to have women friends.

I had a really close best friend growing up just. Kind of one person. And then my sister and I are close, She’s my ride or die. But historically with other women, I always, always guarded. I was always, I wasn’t sure, I wasn’t sure [01:13:00] how to show up and I always thought it was them. Right?

Like, Oh, they’re just clickie or whatever. And then when I realized again, another Taylor Swift, it’s me, I’m the problem. It’s me. I realized, Oh crap, it’s me. I’m so afraid. Of being rejected that I’m not even allowing them to come in or to even see. And when I changed my energy and open myself up, people just started, like I have, like I do a book club now, like I have so many beautiful women in my life.

Some of them just like, you know, I see once in a while, But I have so many beautiful women that I have met through this experience. And I’m like, Holy crap. Had I just been less afraid and less protected and seeming as if it was them that, Oh, you know what? They’re just not my type or they’re just not my style or they’re just this or that or the other.

Once I was ready to be vulnerable [01:14:00] and realize it’s my energy, that’s putting people, right. Yeah. And then once I was able to say, no, I’m going to come with an open heart and just love and just be. And it’s okay, because I belong to myself, so nobody can tell me I don’t belong. So when I changed that about myself, I had so many people that were just like, Hey, anyone do this?

You want to do that? And it’s like, Wow. I could have done this

Mariah: earlier. I wish I had known, had I known, you know, like I known this eight years ago, my oldest was born, man, my parenting experience would have been wildly different if I had that, that sisterhood around me and that community, because if I was willing to be vulnerable and honest about them.

You know who I, who I am right and had compassion for all the weirdness that I was, you know that I was trying to squelch down, right. Who would be wildly different. My life would also be [01:15:00] different and I wouldn’t have had the lessons I have and you know so I’m, I’m grateful for that but you know I think about like, I have one relationship where I like look back on and I’m like, Oh man, I wasn’t honest or truthful I was invulnerable, I wasn’t.

I didn’t love myself enough to open up. And then I lost that friendship, you know, I’m like, am I brave enough? Do I have the courage to go back to that woman and be like, and own it and look at it? I don’t know. I don’t have the answers for that. I don’t need to know right now. Yeah. We don’t need to know everything at this moment.

No, for sure. So I think just having compassion comes, it all comes back to compassion, you know, like. Yeah. I have some softness for myself. I don’t need to have that hard masculine edge that push that go, I’m a feminine being like I can open up to be soft and receive and revel in the [01:16:00] creativity and the compassion and the love, you know, like I am a being of love.

It’s what we are as women with a feminine essence. And so, oh, life is just so much richer and safe, like worthy of being savored when you come out from a place of love and compassion. And you’ll have, we’ll have these moments of like light switches. Like I had a light switch moment yesterday in the parking lot of staples.

Gissele: Not what you think you do. You think it’s going to be meditating in your chair and then you’re like staples. What’s going on? I know,

Mariah: and I was like telling my husband about it, and he’s like, that, that’s amazing. You know, like he knew even though it was insignificant, but it was significant. It was. It’s always significant.

Oh, yeah. And I was like, this is going to sound really silly, but the best part of my day happened in Staples.

Gissele: Yeah. Beautiful. Beautiful. So we’re getting kind of to the end. I have two more questions. The first one [01:17:00] is, I’m asking this of all my guests in this season, and that is what’s your definition of unconditional love?

Oh,

Mariah: I love this, but I also hate this.

Gissele: There’s no right or wrong answers,

Mariah: whatever flows. Yeah, so my definition of unconditional love, the word unconditional love makes me bristle a little bit because they’re, you know, that implies that there’s conditional love. And there is no conditional love. I’m, oh, there is none.

Like all love is unconditional. So we don’t need that. Right. So I prefer to say limitless love because love to me has no bounds. Right. I’ve been married to my husband for 11 with him for like 15. And like, our love is only deeper. It only gets better. And so I think unconditional love or limitless love is just the ability.

To know more, to learn more, to see [01:18:00] more of truth. Right. Love is truth. And when you’re willing to look at all the truths, both the pretty and the ugly, right, you deepen and widen that love and it becomes more luscious. You know, it comes from like this, you know, desert, like sandy love to like rich chocolate, creamy with cherry sauce and like thick frosting and just like yumminess.

Right. Right. So it has no bounds when you’re willing to see

Gissele: truth, powerful, very love that, love that. The other question, which is our final question is where can people find you? I know that you said you’re going through a shift in your business. However, I do feel that once you let go and relax, things that you’re supposed to do will naturally come to you.

So where can people reach out to chat with you, [01:19:00] even if they have a question or they just want to, to find out more about what your journey, what it brings next, where can people reach out to

Mariah: you? Bye. So you can find me on Instagram, and my handle is my name, Mariah G. Kimball. So I’m on Instagram a lot.

You’ll see all sorts of, you know, cheeky things and fun things. And I also have a website, which isn’t going anywhere. But I’m sure it’s gonna, I know it’s gonna shift. And you can find me at MariahsCrystalLibrary. com. And those are the two main places.

Gissele: Beautiful. Thank you so much, Mariah, for this amazing conversation.

I, it was really, I kind of actually lost track of time. It was, it was beautiful and it was vulnerable and it was so authentic and it made me remember so many different parts of my own journey. And so I’m deeply grateful that you were able to share that part of yourself with us. And maybe we can come back.[01:20:00]

Maybe you can come back when you’re at a different stage of your journey. When you’re at a different stage of your journey, and then we could talk about what the next stage

Mariah: for Mariah is. Oh, I would love that. It was an honor. It’s such an honor to be here today. Thank you so much. Okay.

Gissele: Bye everyone.

Thank you for listening to another episode of the love and compassion podcast, which is I’ll.

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