Ep.48 – Conversation with Jill Schultz – Treating Shame with Compassion

***Trigger warning*** Listen to this compassionate conversation about shame and sexual abuse from the perspective of a person who hurt others.  In this chat, you will learn about what causes some individuals to hurt others, how shame shows up in our lives, and how loving and being compassionate towards ourselves, can help us shine light to the darkest aspects of humanity. 
Transcript

[00:00:00]

Gissele overdub: hello and welcome to the loving compassion podcast with Giselle. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like, and subscribe for more amazing content on today’s podcast.

We’ll be talking about treating our shame with compassion. Our guest is Jill Schultz, who is a disruptor, serial entrepreneur, author, and motivational speaker. Jill’s mission is to help release people from shame her own experience of experimenting with other children at a young age because of her own sexual trauma has led her to speak about this taboo topic and help anyone who has a secret or has felt shame of any kind to create a life of love success.

And abundance. Please join me in welcoming Jill. Hi, Jill.

Jill: Hi, Giselle. So good

Gissele overdub: to see you. Oh, so good to see you [00:01:00] too. Thank you so much for being on the show and talking about this very important topic. Shame is such an insidious thing that, you know, often we don’t talk about, but I think it’s something that without talking about it, we can’t get to our healing.

Yeah, I wanted to ask you if you could tell our audience a little bit about your story and how you came to do this work.

Jill: I really want to like, lay a little bit Of a foundation here for people who are maybe just hearing this type of a story for a first time, or if this is your story and you’re just hearing somebody say it out loud and you’re getting triggered, I need to know that your listeners are protected.

So there are lots of resources out there for people to have anonymous conversations around sexual trauma and rain is one of them are a I N N. So, please, please, please, if anything that I say is triggering to you. I need to know that you are seeking somebody to talk to you about this. Okay. [00:02:00] So thank you for letting me do that.

So I was molested when I was around three or four years old and I’m so grateful for the Me Too movement because I feel like it’s way easier for people to share about what’s happened to them in their lives around sexual trauma now than it ever has been before. But where my story goes deeper is that I, because of what somebody taught me to do.

At the ages of three or four, I was the little girl who was experimenting curiously and innocently with other children. And so the time frame that that was happening was, was in between the ages of seven and 12 and I lived with debilitating shame for 41 years thinking that I was the only little girl who ever did anything like that.

And sadly, it is way more common than you can even imagine. So my goal and my passion and my purpose is [00:03:00] to create this movement that we get to normalize this conversation. And I get to help people know that they’re not alone, because I thought I was alone. So that’s a little bit about me

Gissele overdub: to sell. Yeah.

Thank you very much for sharing that. What helped you kind of shift from that story of, of shame and hiding and secrecy to want to actually start to talk about it, to start to be able to heal it. Yeah, well, I knew

Jill: When I I’m 55 years old right now. So at the age of 33, I wasn’t connecting with men. I would walk into a room and a man would look at me and I’d immediately put my head down because I did not want a man to see me.

I thought if a man. Could see me and know what I had done. How could he love me? And now I say, Oh my God, how can a man not love me knowing what I’ve been through and all the healing that I’ve done? But because of that, I started thinking I needed to get help. And that’s when I first started [00:04:00] seeking out therapy.

I’ve done a lot of different work around my trauma. The last, you know, 30 years, but that was the very first step that I took was realizing that I wasn’t having normal relationships with men and very much wanting that. So that was really when

Gissele overdub: it started. What sort of labels did you put on yourself around kind of your sexualized behavior because I can only imagine that it must have been really terrible and because you felt so alone.

So what sort of things would you tell yourself about your behavior? Well, I’m

Jill: unlovable. I’m not worthy. Yeah, no, those were big ones and those affected me in many areas of my life. But the two that really, really stood out was around love in my life and around my business, around success in my businesses.

But yeah, definitely, you know, unworthy and un and unlovable, for sure. Unlovable is probably the, the biggest word that I. [00:05:00] Related to over and over and over again.

Gissele overdub: Yeah. Thank you for bringing the issue of your business because people don’t often make the connection between the two in terms of business success and feeling issues of worthiness.

How did you come to that understanding? Was it just because it was also happening simultaneously in your life? Or did you have kind of like an aha moment that basically said, Oh, the reason I’m not allowing success is my life is because I don’t think I deserve it.

Jill: I don’t know if I can remember a moment where all of a sudden it was like this big epiphany, but I, I.

I’ve been in different coaching, settings with, with my business. And I was in this organization called EO entrepreneurs organization. It’s a huge international organization. It’s amazing. And I was in their accelerator program because you have to be making at least a million dollars in your business to be in the, the EO program, but they have an [00:06:00] accelerated program that helps you get there.

And I just remember sitting in that room with these people and thinking these people are brilliant. And I was struggling so hard to scale my business. I thought I was the dumbest person in the room and I’m quite smart and quite smart. But yeah, that was, that was a time when it was a really big indication to me that it was around imposter syndrome and, and self worth, those types of things for sure.

Gissele overdub: So what role in your experience has forgiveness played in being able to help you shift from that perspective that you are a person who’s hurtful for others and might be harming others to one where you realize that you yourself were harmed and wouldn’t have known any better.

Jill: Thank you because that was a really hard thing to sink in for me for a long time.

And I, I had, I started doing the therapy that I talked about when I was 33 [00:07:00] and I did landmark education in conjunction with that. And if you don’t know what landmark education is, it’s a really. Deep transformational work and the works all around, you know, when you’re pointing one finger at somebody else, you have three pointing back at yourself.

So we get to take responsibility. So I did that. And then, of course, I was fixed and healed. And at the age of 41, I was. Suffering from bulimia, which stems from sexual trauma. And so at the age of 41, I was still binging and purging. And I was like, you need to get a handle on this or you’re going to die. So I went back to therapy.

And with this gentleman, it was the first time that I was able to see the truth around that. You know, he asked me, he said, Knowing that I was in between the ages of seven and 12 and all of that was occurring. He said, who do you know that’s 12 years old? And I thought of my niece and he said, do you think you’re

 niece reasons like an adult. Do you think she acts like an adult? Do you think she, you know, can, can think like [00:08:00] an adult? And it was the first time that I was like, it’s a little girl, like, Oh, it could bring tears to my eyes right now. Like it really was this powerful moment of release for me.

To finally be like, Oh my God, you get to give yourself a break. You were just a little girl when all this was happening. So thank you for asking that question.

Gissele overdub: Yeah, for sure. So that obviously was the first step towards the journey of forgiving yourself. And acknowledging that you were yourself somebody who was hurt.

Because a lot of those behaviors obviously are learned, right. But we may not know, obviously. Like what the origin may have been, and so to be able to look at yourself and your behavior with kindness or compassion, is really key. What role has compassion played in your life?

Jill: Compassion is new to me.

It’s, it’s a new word. It’s a new feeling. After I did therapy with, with [00:09:00] that. Therapist, I once again was fixed and so I went on a few more years of, you know, still being in stuck in my self loathing and my you know, not having love for myself and I started doing work another transformational program called hardcore leadership and that’s really where I was able to reason.

That I do get to love myself. I do get to forgive myself. I do get to have compassion for that little girl who that little girl was, was driving the bus my entire life. Like she was the one that was in making decisions and in charge of everything because I. Had all that pressure on her, you know, so doing that, that leadership work.

And I also did their PhD program, which sounds like I’m very important, but it’s, it’s a six month program of leadership. That’s just the next step up. And that’s really where I was able to, to step into that [00:10:00] role of compassion for myself. And now that I have compassion for myself. I get to have that for other people.

You know, it’s easy. It’s a really easy, easy thing for me to do now to have compassion for other people.

Gissele overdub: Yeah, thank you. And thank you for mentioning the word I was fixed because I think often when we go into these environments, we want. We want our healing to be done. And so we’re like, okay, I’m fixed. I can move on with my life, but we don’t realize that it’s kind of an ongoing process.

And it’s, is it not like an onion that you peel one layer and then you’re like, well, what the hell is this? Has it felt like that in terms of, as you start to heal more, you start to find more to heal. Yeah.

Jill: The onion is a big term in the transformational development world because it’s. There’s always a next layer.

There’s always, or in, in leadership, they call it, there’s always a deeper cut. Like there’s always the next cut that you get to make. So yes, that onion man. [00:11:00] Yeah,

Gissele overdub: that onion. And, and how has forgiving yourself, which I think from, from my perspective is a big aspect of loving ourselves. How did it help you forgive others like, would you ever get an opportunity to get closure on that aspect or is it still like a journey of forgiveness towards others?

Jill: No, forgiveness came way before anything else did. I was able to forget the person who hurt me because I knew whoever hurt me, somebody else hurt them. And the more that I have done research, I wrote a book all about my journey through all the shame. It just came out on November 1st. You know, healing is a huge component because if you can’t forgive that other person who hurt you, you can’t start the healing process.

And it’s not about, and I know, you know, this, it’s not about forgetting that person for them. It’s forgetting that person for you so that you can move forward and move on. But yeah, forgiveness came way before all of the self [00:12:00] love and that for me, that, that was easy. The other step was difficult.

Gissele overdub: Yeah, for sure.

 I’m glad for you that forgiveness was something that came a lot easier because I think one of the biggest barriers is being able to say to ourselves that we’re even worthy of forgiveness,

you know, there’s, there’s this aspect of forgiveness. Sometimes it’s hard for us to forgive ourselves because on the one hand, we were working towards understanding that we’re worthy and it wasn’t our fault.

But on the other hand, 1 of the big things that we are working towards and gaining our mastery and stop giving away our power to other people is that we are responsible for the things we. And so how can you balance forgiveness for ourselves and accepting responsibility for what we have done? Yeah, that’s

Jill: really a deep, deep, deep question.

And it took me a very, very, very long time to get [00:13:00] that to get to that place. I actually. Forgave myself on a certain level before I, before I forgave the little girl. So what, for what she was doing, you know, I held on to, that was the, the, the, that was the root of the shame for me was. How I had acted out with other kids and how it maybe have affected them in their life.

And you, I just had to get to a place where I had to reiterate, you know, I was just a little girl. I was just a little girl. I was just a little girl and come to that place of really. It was, it was a hard step to take, to let myself off the hook for that. It was the hardest thing that I have done around.

Everything that I’ve created with the book and, and the healing and all of that. So I think you just kind of have to [00:14:00] put yourself back in the shoes of that child. And know that you get to give that child love and compassion, and you get to let that child off the hook because you holding onto that shame is doing nobody any good.

It’s not doing anybody any good. So yeah. Wow. Look at you went deep. You went deep girl. Yeah, that was, that was my biggest challenge was being able to let go of that. And I actually did. I, I, I found another therapist and I was so blessed to find her. My regular, the last therapist that I saw he was booked and this is such a God thing.

Gissele overdub: Share the story. What do you

Jill: mean? It’s a guy. Well, I am. So after finishing the book, I, I haven’t seen a therapist for quite some time. I had been doing the deep transformational works, which is a whole deeper level of therapy. And I had this huge community of people supporting me, [00:15:00] but once while I was writing the book and while I was in all that work, I had a lot of people coming to me and sharing their stories with me.

And so I have this. Huge container that I was holding for people plus all of the feelings and the, excuse me, and the emotions that came around writing the book and clearing that space and, and, you know, clearing the path family and like, it was a very, very intense year and a half.

for this book to come to fruition. And so I decided I’m like, you know, I, I get to go talk to somebody. I get to go get support. I get to go have somebody hold the cup for me for a while. And I reached out to my therapist and he was booked and like six weeks out. And I was like, no, I don’t, I don’t want to wait.

He’s like, I can refer you. And so he referred me to, I call her my therapist, not therapist because I literally saw her for like four sessions. And of course, I’m [00:16:00] fixed again, but I met her and she just had such a different perspective on how to go about healing at the level, at the stage that I was at.

And we did this beautiful Hawaiian forgiveness. Practice called Honoponopono and it released me from all of that. Like that was the final straw in my healing around that was I finally was able to release myself from all of that through that beautiful ceremony. And if you don’t know Honoponopono, I called it Lapu Lapu for a while because we didn’t know how to spell it.

Yeah, yeah. You can actually YouTube it and they’ll. Walk you through the meditation of how to do the Honoponopono practice, but it’s really really beautiful

Gissele overdub: I just learned so I’ve been practicing it for quite a while and I also found it really kind of really moving and really Impacted because I was able to energetically make changes in my [00:17:00] relationship with other people without actually physically making like without physically making changes Although it was like it was great I didn’t know this I didn’t know this story, but apparently how it began was, I guess he was a therapist or some sort of like health practitioner in Hawaii who was, I think, treating criminals or treating some sort of people with mental illness.

And so what he did was he didn’t treat anybody one on one. He took the files and he would do that. Pono. I always say that wrong. I think I put too much PO. And, and apparently like each of them would get cured as he was doing that just in the files independently, independently was like, he got the files and he was doing the, this, apparently this is how this started.

a friend of mine had shared that with me. And I have yet to look it up. So I’m so thankful that you reminded me that I wanted to look up this story because apparently it was like something that was magical and miraculous about [00:18:00] the, the impact of that practice.

And I think it’s so key because it has, like, major components, like, it has all those components that have loving compassion included in it. So I’m sorry, please forgive me. Thank you. I love you and,

Jill: me. I forgive you. So if there was any energy there about something, maybe that person had done to me that I needed to release, I was able to release that energy to which I thought was really interesting because when I saw when I saw the practice, I saw that it didn’t have that line in it.

I’m like, Oh, she added that. Which is really cool because I had a couple people in my life that I was harboring some feelings around because I felt some injustice and how I’ve been treated and I was able to let that go. But sorry, I just went off on a tangent. No, no,

Gissele overdub: this is absolutely great. And you can adjust it to anything to better meet your needs.

How I did that part was I would envision myself. And I would say I’m sorry to myself. Like I would say I’m sorry to little Giselle. [00:19:00] I would say I’m sorry to my young self and all for all of those things I did that I felt had hurt her. And so, yeah, so that’s how I did that part because I was like, because I had the same thought.

I’m like, okay, so I’m sorry if you’re thinking about apologizing to someone else. But what about when I want to apologize to myself? Because I feel like all of us have done things that we feel shame, guilt, and this is why I think this topic is so important because you’re bringing to light something that I believe happens a lot more than we believe it does,there’s all of this trauma that, that as I feel as a humanity, we’re carrying and.

Yeah. One of the ways to kind of bring light into that, to that. Shame is to talk about it. Right. What role did secrecy have in keeping kind of that trauma from like healing? [00:20:00] Oh, it was all

Jill: of us. I mean, secrecy was everything, you know, I never wanted anybody to know. In fact, now that I’m speaking very publicly about this, I’ve had two friends say to me.

Wow. You know, you always seem like the happiest person in the room. You know, you were always, you know, you walk in a room and, and you just be the most bubbly person there. How could I not know that you were in so much pain? And I said, because we get really good at keeping secrets, you know, and it really, I love that you pointed that out too, because it doesn’t, everybody has something.

It doesn’t have to be related to sexual trauma. Everybody has a secret. And so when you hold on to a secret, it is what is holding you back from being the powerful you and creating the most beautiful life that you get to create. That’s, that’s what’s holding you back and saying it out loud. Shame cannot live in the light.

So, and can I just tell you [00:21:00] something too? Cause I think it’s really important for people to hear this. I remember I first knew that I got to go to therapy to start healing from all of this. And I’m sure if you’re listening right now and you have my story and you’ve never dealt with it, or if you’re holding onto a secret of any kind and you know, it’s time for you to look at in the eyeballs and say, you don’t owe me anymore.

I just have this awful, awful pit in my stomach. And I thought, how can I go in and talk to this person and let them know my dirty little secret? They’re going to think I’m a monster. They’re going to think I’m a pedophile. Those were the thoughts that I had of a little 12 year old girl. And so going in there and sharing my story, Oh God, this could just, this kills me every time.

The level of love and compassion and kindness and understanding that was on the other side of me saying those words out loud [00:22:00] to this day is just a effing miracle to me, and it has happened over and over and over again. I have shared my story now. Obviously on a platform like this, where there’s many, many people listening, I, I wouldn’t even know how many people have heard my story to this point, but individually, when I decided to write the book, I said, I need to tell my people because I didn’t want my book to come out and then be like, what the hell?

So I sat down and I probably shared my story now, 40 times. And every single time I have shared it, I’ve, there’s been so much love and compassionate understanding. So I need you to know if this is you or if you’re holding onto something, whatever you have made up about what’s on the other side of saying it out loud is a lie and you get to get it out of your body because the other side of healing is.

Magical.

Gissele overdub: [00:23:00] Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing that because I think that’s so important. Often the things we fear in our minds tend to be bigger than they are. That has also been my experience. Like I had all of these things that I thought once I face this fear, it’s going to break me. It’s going to, it’s going to be the death of me, but the truth of matter is on the other side was like, my dream was, was like people who were ready to support and love me.

Did you find that your family reacted in a positive way? You know, you might be like, okay, how did I miss it or, or, or, you know, like parents have lots of different feelings about their role in their performance when something happens to their children? So I was wondering what the, what the reaction was, if, if you’re okay, sharing it.

A

Jill: hundred percent. My, my parents are angels from heaven. Like I adopt my parents out to people. They are the most [00:24:00] beautiful people. And I, it just breaks my heart because I heard Joyce Meyer say one time, I don’t know if you don’t know who Joyce Meyer, she, she’s a female evangelist and she’s amazing, but she said, you know, if you, if you were raised and you had loving parents, you’re already me.

Way ahead of the curve. And so I’m so grateful that I chose my parents or however that works because they are beautiful, beautiful people. And I, I already knew that they would be a hundred percent supportive of me stepping into this, but it was hard. It was hard. And of course there’s the guilt. And you know, my mom is like, I just don’t understand how this could have happened.

We knew where you were all the time. And sadly. Oftentimes it’s a family member that is the one that’s abusing. So, you know, you, you never think when you drop your child off at an uncle’s or a cousin’s or a grandparent, that they’re going to hurt your baby. But oftentimes it is, it [00:25:00] is. So yes, they are, they were super supportive, but there was that.

You know, they, they feel guilty and they still apologize to me. I’m like, there’s nothing to be sorry about. And now, now I get to look at this as a gift, like everything that’s happened to me, and if you’re probably going, what the, what, how can she think of her? This, everything else she’s been through is a gift, but because I have stepped into my purpose and knowing that this is what I get to do in my lifetime.

I get to help you. I get to help you. You, I get to help anybody that’s in this pain to know that they’re not alone and that they get to get help and they get to love themselves and forgive themselves and create a beautiful life for themselves. So I feel very blessed. I feel very blessed. And trust me, it took a long time to get to this place, but I wake up.

So happy every single day now, because I have taken the steps that I needed to, I was brave and courageous and you get to be brave. You get to be courageous and you get to [00:26:00] look at this and, and heal from it. So

Gissele overdub: yeah. Yeah. But you said, I feel so spot on. I feel the same way. I think that, there are times in our lives when we have challenges, but when we reflect back, we can see the gifts that they.

Those challenges are brought to us. You know, and I kind of have this thing where I’ve made a choice that I believe that everything happens for my good. And I’m just leaving it at that. Right. Yeah. And even though sometimes it can feel really overwhelming, but as you said, it really is important to have, courage and to be brave in those moments.

What role has trust played in your life in terms of being able to have the courage and have the, the, the bravery to be able to keep moving or taking one step forward? Trust

Jill: is also a new word for me. [00:27:00] Yeah. I think. The, the steps that I was able to take at 33 and at 41. And that was like, I think that that was, that was God.

And I don’t know if you believe in God universe, whatever you or your listeners believe in, I call God, God, and God has been. Huge in my healing. I think every single time that I was like, okay, I need to go. I need to go to therapy at it. I think it was just God like trickling on me. Like, okay, it’s time for you to do this.

It’s time for you to do this, you know? And, and, and he was getting me ready for what I get to do now. Like I’m finally ready to step into this. If this had been something that had been presented to me when I was 33, there’s no way. You know, there’s no, but it was little steps, but I hope for your audience that by us having this conversation now, [00:28:00] they’re not taking 41 years to get to this place.

You know, I want, I want your, your people to get there like this now, you know? So that’s why we get to have these conversations. That’s why we get to bring this topic up. That’s why we get to normalize this topic, because as you said, it’s way more common and you’re not alone.

Gissele overdub: I’m sorry. You’re not special,

Jill: but you’re not. There’s a lot in this pain. And so you get to, you get to get past it because you have things to do. You have people that help by getting past it. You know? Yeah, for

Gissele overdub: sure. for sure. so going back to the whole financial and success, did you find that as you started to forgive yourself and love yourself more, that the finance part of it actually started to expand?

Like that you were able to allow more success in your life?

Jill: Yeah. That’s a great question because that’s what I’m in right now. Like I’m a [00:29:00] manifesting fool. Do you manifest? I, I do. Yeah. That good Manifesting and I talk about it. Yeah, I’m calling in the most magical things right now and you talked about trust like when I finally surrendered into the fact that this was my purpose, which I went kicking and screaming.

I’m like, no way. I’m not. This is not what I’m going to do. I’m not going to step out and have this conversation. But when I finally surrendered to that, I got, I got into this place of. Okay, this is what God wants. If God wants this, God gets to figure out all the BS. So any obstacle. Yeah. Any obstacle that came up during the book and there were obstacles.

Trust me. I would just be like. Figure it out. I’m going to put one foot in front of the other. I’m going to ask you every single day. What can I do to move this forward? And you are going to clear the path. So you’re talking about abundance. I’m like at the precipice [00:30:00] of all of this massive avalanche of things happening.

I’m meeting, I’m meeting with an important person tomorrow because of all of this around the book. So, yeah. You know, and I’m really excited about what I’m creating in that way. And I also found, and I don’t know if this is off topic or if this is going to land or if this is relevant for people, but I have found that the more that I step into who I am and my purpose and.

All of those things, all the other stuff isn’t really that important to me anymore. Like I’m so truly, divinely happy inside that I’m not looking for external things to make me happy. I want some things. There’s a lot of things that I want, but I’m, I’m not, I don’t need them. To make me feel this happy because I am blissful and it’s weird because to be this happy every [00:31:00] day.

It’s such a blessing, you

Gissele overdub: know? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. I, I totally hear exactly what you’re saying. There has to be an element of trust. You saying that you’re, it’s kind of new to your journey, but in order for you to trust God source universe, you have to be able to trust because if you didn’t trust the people in your life.

There’s no way you were going to trust some random source universe being out there. Right. And so there isn’t a strong element of trust in you that enables you to surrender, enables you to say, okay, you want me on this journey. You need to figure this out. Which makes, yeah, it does. And it takes, like you said, something you’re very familiar with, which is extraordinary courage and bravery to be able to not see the path, but say, okay, This is what I’m being guided to do.

And this is what I’m doing, especially since in the beginning, you didn’t know that you were going to get all this love and compassion and support that it [00:32:00] wasn’t going to be canceled. Right. Or ostracized given kind of the kind of environment that we are currently. And so I think that’s, I think that’s fabulous.

And I also agree with you. About the more you start to find joy in everyday life, the less you need things out there to be. A specific way, because I could, because I see people that, you know, you could have everything and still be unhappy and have nothing and still be completely joyful, grateful for life.

And so that doesn’t mean you have to, it just means that no matter where you go, there you are. Right. And so it’s important for you to find that really that joy within. And it sounds like you have, so that’s yeah. Yeah.

Jill: I, it’s, it was a while to get here, but if, you know, if you have a calling on your heart [00:33:00] and it, even if it’s hard, like just do it, do it as fast as you can because, that’s where the true joy and bliss comes from.

Like I love doing these podcasts. It is one of my most fun things to do is to get to meet people like you and share this conversation knowing that it’s going to ripple and help other people. You know, it’s really one of my favorite things that I get to do now is

Gissele overdub: yeah, for sure. Thanks. For sure. And I’m so grateful that you were able to put the connection between like loving yourself more and then being able to open then allowing yourself to receive because allowing is a big part of of stepping into your abundance.

A lot of us don’t allow ourselves to receive because we don’t feel worthy. We don’t feel good enough.we feel shame and all those feelings. What. Is your definition of self love? Like, how do you feel like you’re loving yourself now? And do you feel that there’s still more loving to be done?

Jill: Well, I [00:34:00] talk to myself all the time now. How are you doing today? Hey, gorgeous. How are you doing? You’re doing great. Like I do a lot of self talk and I would have never done that before. It was always. The negative re over and over and over again. And I also, I take a lot of time off to be quite honest with you.

I’m a serial entrepreneur and I have been doing the blind for years and years and years. And the coaching program, the business coaching program that I’m in, she calls it flex time. She takes five months off a year and she’s a nice. Yeah. So I have committed to taking Friday, Saturdays and Sundays off. And those are my knee days.

That’s that’s self love to me. And honestly, sometimes if you’re an entrepreneur, that’s when you get your ideas, because you have given yourself a break to relax and just be, and not worry about, you know, what’s next. And that’s when that’s, it’s almost a form of meditation. You know, that’s when you get to be open enough [00:35:00] to hear the ideas coming in.

So those are. Those are just a couple of the ways that I, I get to create self love for myself.

Gissele overdub: Yeah. And that’s, that’s so, so beautiful. I I’m in full and total agreement that the grind is done, that we are just so shifting away from having to grind it out in, you know, just kind of force ourselves to do things we don’t want to do.

I think more that we’re kind of really stepping into inspired action. Right. Can we feel inspired to do this and follow our joy and bliss rather than having to do it? But again, for me, that whole perspective about earning my way and having to do something, never getting anything for nothing is sort of tied down to that feeling like we have to earn love, feeling that we have to earn acceptance and earn value and earn belonging.

And I think there’s a real shift in feeling like we are worthy just because we exist. [00:36:00] No other reason, even if we do things that may be hurtful or even do things that would be positive. We still deserve to be loved and accepted and valued and all of the good things in life. Right? We’re human,

Jill: you know, we’re going to make mistakes.

It’s inevitable.

Gissele overdub: And you just, that’s what we get to do.

Jill: Yeah. You just get to reset. Yeah. This is one of the things that I’ve, I’ve learned through this leadership program is being able to shift out of my emotion very quickly. So something gets me riled up. I’m able to step outside and go, this doesn’t really matter.

Like who cares if the guy cut you off on the freeway, you know, send them love and light instead of being all crabby about it. So just being able to step out of any of that type of emotion very quickly.

Gissele overdub: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I completely agree with that. I realized how much I was giving my power away to other people to determine how I felt about myself in my life.

Right. But when I stopped doing that, I started to [00:37:00] realize. You don’t get to decide if I have a bad day or not. You don’t get to decide if I have, if I believe in myself or not. How has taking your power back to help you, address some of the, some of the feelings like the shame and guilt and so on that you might’ve had when you were feeling like you were, you know, like an oppressor or, or a victimizer.

Jill: Well, I just know now that I get to, I get to have all the things that I want in my life, you know, I just, I know that. And when I I was doing some work around money last summer and I. Came across Amanda Francis. Do you know who Amanda Francis is? She’s a money queen. She’s a manifester. She wrote a book called Rich as F.

She’s really, really fun to listen to, but she said everything [00:38:00] on our heart was given to us by God. And it is our only job every single day to feel what it feels like to have those things and know that you get to have those things. And I know That everything on my heart, I truly get to have, I really get to have those things.

And I have some crazy things on my heart. And it’s so fun to know that I, I like, I am worthy of having those things. You know, I’ve just, I’ve let go of all the shame. I lived with it for 41 years. I call it my shame cloud. I literally had this dark cloud that followed me. Everywhere I went, I would go to bed, it was there, I would wake up, it was there.

And now I look for that cloud and it’s gone, and I’m like, my, my cloud’s gone. It’s just amazing to be able to go through life now knowing that, you know, I deserve to have love. I deserve to have abundance. I deserve to have amazing relationships. You know, I just, it’s just what I [00:39:00] know now.

Gissele overdub: So what’s the difference between believing and knowing?

Because there are some people that go around like having a belief, like affirming, affirming, affirming, affirming, and it doesn’t stick and the there’s really tapping into that knowingness of, you know what, I get to do this. I get to experience this

Jill: for me. That’s just, I think, a God thing for me. Like, it’s something that he’s put into my heart.

I remember when I was a little girl. I was probably in between the ages of six and eight, and I just knew from that age that I was going to have a very successful business that I used to visualize myself in this beautiful. And whenever I visualize, it’s always, everything’s been wiped. Everything’s white.

Beautiful glass desk and this beautiful white offices and people running around everywhere helping people and just doing, you know, knowing that I was making a difference in the world. And so that’s what I mean about just knowing and not believing. It’s [00:40:00] just you have this deep seated. Understanding that it’s just part of who you are and you get to, you get to have those things.

You get to, you just get to be

Gissele overdub: those things. Did you still have that knowing what you had the kind of the cloud of shame or was it something that kind of moved to the back of your mind? Something you forgot about? Or was it always there?

Jill: It was always there. It was always there. I would see my, my husband, cause I’m calling in a divine love right now.

I’m calling in the most incredible love right now. Oh, nice. Yeah. You’re listening right now. Call me.

Gissele overdub: I was going to ask about relationships. So this is a great segue. Go ahead.

Jill: Yeah. And like I said earlier about seeing everything in white, like. He would be wearing like white linen and we’d have like a white car, like everything was always in white.

And so I, I’ll even through all the shame and all the self loathing and all the things I [00:41:00] still have those, visions and thoughts about what. I knew I’d get to have in life. Yeah. Yeah.

Gissele overdub: Wow. That’s incredible

Jill: hope. I hope it was, it was hopeful, you know, knowing that it, it was there for me. I just needed to take steps to get there, to do the healing, to, to get to the deserve level of that.

Mm

Gissele overdub: mm-Hmm. . Yeah. And I feel we all have that. I, I feel like we all have this kind of pot of gold available to each of us, but it’s just. Waiting there for us in order for us to allow it to come to tap into it to enable us because life’s not a zero sum game, right? Like your I do feel this strongly like Jill E.

Schultz gets to have her heaven and her biggest dreams. And that’s not taken away from anything because that’s your dream. This is what you set up for yourself and whereas each of us have our own separate different dreams that don’t take [00:42:00] away from someone else. But I’m We’re kind of bought into this.

Yeah. We’ve kind of bought into this belief that life’s a zero sum game, which it totally disadvantages us and makes us feel smaller than I wanted to ask about relationships since, and you mentioned, you know, you’re calling in your husband, have you ever, cause this popped into my head. So I’m going to ask, have you ever done, like, have you ever written out?

Kind of like, like the person that you want to call in. I have found

Jill: I’ve been writing that

Gissele overdub: out. Okay. I love it. I found that when I did that, and I actually kind of encouraged a few friends of mine who have done it and then attracted the person. because I recently heard that.

You know, when you have a thought or a knowing in your heart, it’s still a thought, but when you speak it out and write it out, it is [00:43:00] then manifested because it’s now out there. And so I make sure that I don’t speak or do anything that contradicts what I want to, what, who I want to be. And so I was curious if you had written out, you said you had been written this list for many years.

Jill: Yeah, I wrote my list a long, long, long time ago and it keeps getting longer and longer and then I tried to hone it down to like six things and it’s like, it’s just this massive, beautiful man that gets to show up for me. But, what was I going to say about that? Oh, the thing is, the hard thing is. You know, whenever you manifest something, it’s already 99 percent complete.

Like it’s already out there. Unfortunately, it’s in God’s time. And that’s the hardest thing, because I know that this person who gets to come into my life now has been waiting for me for 41 years. We’ve been waiting for each other for 41 years. But if I had gotten married at 33 [00:44:00] years old, I’d be divorced.

You know, and now that I have this calling on my heart to step into something that most people probably would choose not to step into, because this is a hard conversation, the type of man that is going to be my partner now is going to be a different person than I would have called in at 33 years old. I mean, that’s not to say he couldn’t have shown up for me then.

Yeah, yeah. It certainly

Gissele overdub: was not God’s plan. And this is so, so important because I have found that to be true in my life. Pretty amazing things that I wanted and there’s times when I was like, I didn’t even have to set the intention. It just came and I’m like, how did, how did they know I wanted that? And it’s so funny, but because time is not real.

It doesn’t really exist. Like we’re in a hurry. We think we’re going to run out of time, like the human things are going to run out of time that is not going to come, but I have found in my life, things come at the perfect time. So just enjoy the [00:45:00] ride, which I was not very good at. Not very good. I was always, I was always looking for.

Okay. Where’s my thing. Where’s my thing so I can be happy? Where’s my, where’s this or that or the other? And, and being patient in the way of like, not like, I’ll get to wait. It’s more like, okay, you know what? If this was already, if I had already experienced this, what would I do next? And then I do that and I enjoy like living in that from that space and I found that it’s definitely, there’s definitely reasons why I don’t understand why things can happen and I can only look at them in retrospect and go, Oh, yeah, like you said, like, if you had come when I was 33, it would have been like, right?

You might not have read it.

Jill: Yeah, it’s like the trip to Hana. Have you been to Maui? Have you heard about the trip to Hana?

Gissele overdub: I have not heard of that, but I have been to Hawaii. Yeah.

Jill: So the trip to Hana is on the island of

Gissele overdub: Maui and I haven’t been to hot to Maui. I’ve been to [00:46:00] the big island in Oahu. That’s yeah.

Sorry.

Jill: Go ahead. So the trip to Hana is this beautiful ride and there’s a book called Maui revealed that at least when I. Read it. The Islanders were not happy about because it gave you a little like I road mile marker, 72, get out of the car, walk a hundred yards to your right. And there’s a waterfall there.

So, like, the trip to Hana is all about these beautiful, beautiful exploration and getting to Hana. And to get to Hana, it tastes like eight hours because you’re stopping and looking at all these beautiful, beautiful things. And then it takes like an hour and a half to get back. So it’s the trip to the destination that counts.

And so we have to learn to be patient. We have to learn to be appreciative and gratitude of everything that you’re in right now along the way. And not be focused on what’s at the end.

Gissele overdub: [00:47:00] Agreed. Agreed. So I want to go back to, you know, since we’re enjoying the ride, I want to go back to talking about some of the work that you’re doing right now.

Can you share a little bit about the work that you’re doing right now, and especially the book? Can you tell us a little bit about the book? Yes, I’m

Jill: going to get the book. Sorry, I shouldn’t have had it out. That’s okay. Here’s the book. It’s called liberated, releasing the dark cloud of shame and the, I, I didn’t want to write a book.

God wanted a book. I just want to get on stages and scream my story from the rooftop. And a friend of mine who was a speaker said, if you want to get on stage, you’ve got to write a book. And so this was one of those places where I just trusted and let God take control because once I knew I needed a book, yeah.

He brought the people to me. So this is a compilation of many stories. It’s not just me. It’s other people who have had my same experiences, people who have found forgiveness. There’s a lot of different, modalities. And [00:48:00] the ending is really about not being in victim and creating a beautiful life for yourself.

So I’m very proud of the book that came out on November 1st and we’ll have a link there if people want to get the book. And so now, honestly, I’m just back in that place of surrender and trust. I really feel that. Opportunities get to start coming to me. Like I’m doing a lot of podcasts. I’ve probably done 50 podcasts in six months to talk about my story and just share it.

But I’m looking to get on stages. I told you I have a really big meeting tomorrow. I’m not going to, I don’t want to blow what that is, but like. It’s kind of like, you don’t know what you don’t know. Like, I feel like some beautiful, beautiful things get to be created around this. And I’m looking to partner.

I’m trying to find different support partnerships right now because I’m not a therapist and I [00:49:00] cannot. Be the one to coach people through some of the pain that comes around sexual trauma. So I’m partnering with people that I can say, okay, you need to see this person. You need so that people can get help.

People can get supported and people can heal. So those are the things that I’m working on right now is just really. This is all like such baby. I’m, I’m like the brand new baby who’s just here. And now I’m like, okay, what do I do? Do I walk? Do I talk? Like, I’m really just letting God present opportunities.

And I’m trusting that everything that we’re creating now is It’s perfectly the way

Gissele overdub: it’s supposed to happen. I love this. Does it not feel at times where you’re like, I don’t know what the next step is and it’s so counter what we’ve been taught, right? Like there’s, there’s been times when my guidance is like, You know, meditate all day today.

I’m like, what? I’m like, shouldn’t I be doing something towards my business? What do you mean meditate all day? But then when I do, [00:50:00] I realized that I cleared out a whole bunch of stuff and new opportunities came. So I’m like, Oh, okay. So that’s how kind of this works. But I still had to get through and to reveal to myself just how stuck I have been in that, in, in, or I had been in the perspective of.

There’s a right way in a wrong way to do this and stepping in trust and stepping into the unknown just seems so unnatural. Does it not? Does it not seem like everything that we’ve been taught very hard

Jill: at first, very hard at first, but as I continue to surrender and trust and I saw how God was doing the work.

I was just like, all right, you got this. So every day my my morning ritual is I listen to, before I even get up, I listen, start listening to manifesting. Like I’ve been listening a lot to Esther Hicks, you know, the, the, the ramp that the rampages that [00:51:00] Esther does, you know, around all that, listening to that.

And I’ll listen to something else on manifesting just as I’m getting my morning started. And then I get really quiet. And I say, okay, God, what do we get to do today? What is the one thing you want me to do today to move this forward? And I just get very quiet and I am following my intuition a lot. I like, I’ve really gotten tuned into my intuition and so I’m just listening and then I’m doing what those, those things are like yesterday.

I have my books and I have, you know, 15 contributors that wrote a chapter in my book. And I’m yesterday. My tour was to sign the books for them and mail them out. So, you know, something simple. Today, I’m going to start a 501c3 for all of this around sexual trauma. So my task today was to reach out to the company that’s going to help me with my 501c3.

And of course, there’s lots of other stuff. I have three businesses. So there’s lots of other stuff that I get to do, but [00:52:00] I just get to say, what do I get to do today to move this forward? And then I just. Do those things because I have no idea it’s, it’s very unnerving sometimes. I’m like, I feel like I’m the blind right now.

Gissele overdub: Yeah, I hear you. It’s so funny because I also see that it’s probably the timing. I just feel like a lot of people in my life are sort of in the same spot too. They’re, they’re starting new initiatives, starting new. Components of their life. So, especially since COVID and it’s about developing that trust in yourself and in source God universe.

But yeah, it can feel overwhelming and takes a lot of courage, at least take the first few steps which is great. So just a couple more questions. I’m asking everyone who is coming on my show to define unconditional love for me from your perspective. Unconditional

Jill: love. Oh,[00:53:00]

no expectations. Like you, you just don’t have any expectations of just putting whatever you have in your heart out there, not expecting to receive anything in return and having no expectations around that.

Gissele overdub: That’s a beautiful answer. Because it’s true. It’s, it’s, it’s like open hearted giving, and I think that’s one of the things that makes love conditional is that there are expectations.

I expect you to love me. I expect you to behave this way. I expect you to expect, expect. Right. And so I think that’s kind of one of the best definitions I’ve heard thus far.

Jill: I was struggling. I was like, Oh, God, what

Gissele overdub: do I know? It’s great. It was really, really good. So last question, where can people find you?

Where’s your website? How can people come work with you? Where can people find the book? Yeah, let us know.

Jill: Thank you. You can see my name on here. It’s just Jill e Schultz. com. My [00:54:00] Book is there. There’s a link for by the book. My resources section is there. So if you are at all triggered today by anything that’s happened on this during our conversation, please reach out to somebody.

I do also have a Facebook group called Living Unshamed. Not unashamed, un shamed. And I love that because I found that for my healing, it was way, my healing happened way more quickly when I was in a group setting because you’re with people who are like you and you get the validation that other people have gone through what you’ve gone through.

But jilleschultz. com and then all my social media links are on there and all that stuff too. And I’m sure you have some of that stuff in the chat.

Gissele overdub: Yes, I do. Wonderful. Okay. Thank you so much, Jill, for being with us and for sharing your story as well as shedding light on something that isn’t well talked about, but needs to be discussed.

So deeply grateful that you were able to come on the show [00:55:00] and thank you everyone. And we’ll see you in another episode of the love and compassion podcast, which is L. Bye. Bye.

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