Ep.22 Tanya Memme – Creating a love filled home environment.

Gissele: Hello and welcome everyone to the Love and compassion podcast with Gissele don’t forget to like, and subscribe to our podcast for more amazing content on today’s podcast, where we’re going to be discussing love in our homes and bringing love into our environments. our guest is the beautiful and wonderful Tanya Memme who is an award-winning TV personality actress.

former miss world Canada host executive producer and TV show creator. She is the star of the popular home design show “sell this house” on A&E and FYI, please join me in welcoming Tanya Memme. Hi Tanya.

Tanya: Hi. Thanks for having me on your show

Gissele: oh, thank you so much for being on our show. It’s such a privilege for us.

Super grateful. Before we get talking about the home environment, cause that’s really kind of what I want to talk about how to bring greater love into our environment. you’ve been on some pretty cool shows in movies, right? You’ve been on CSI Miami, and there’s the terror inside for which you won an award.

I know you’ve been on Jungle 2, and like the Practice and JAG and Melrose Place, and I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about kind of your experience as a woman in Hollywood. Cause we’ve heard such negative things about Hollywood in the treatment of women. So I was wondering if you could share a little bit about what your experiences were like.

Tanya: Yeah. I mean, it’s, it’s tough. I mean, you have to definitely have, you have to have thick skin and all those stories you’ve heard. They’re, they’re real. I mean, it’s, there’s a lot of that out there, but at the same time, there’s also incredible, amazing stories out there too, that we probably don’t hear enough of.

I mean, I also do believe that there’s a lot of those stories in every other job out there to every other corporate, industry, as well as the entertainment business.

Some people have, everybody has a different moral and ethical structure and you just stick to your guns and you, you have a lot of decisions to make along the way. And, and you make whatever decisions are best for you. And don’t judge others because they decide to make different decisions.

Gissele: Yeah. Yeah. That’s a really good point.

Everybody has their own moral and ethical structure, I think. And just, I think just being nonjudgmental is probably the best way to go. Stick to your own path.

Gissele: Yeah. That’s so true. Do you think it’s changing a little bit? I see much more of an appreciation of behaviors of people like Keanu Reeves, people that are kind of on the quiet and have been kind of compassionate and kind for such a long time. And you’re starting to see those stories coming out.

Do you think it’s changing a little bit?

Tanya: Yeah, I think so. I think people are definitely on their toes a whole lot more because they are

Gissele: very true.

Tanya: And I think that women have to be very careful about, you know, how they socialize and men have to be very careful about how they socialize too. I mean, I see a definite. difference, even on the shows I’m on and the sets that I’m on too, where, you know, someone might say something, they’ll be like, don’t take it the wrong way.

I didn’t mean it that way. I meant it this way, you know? So everybody’s definitely hyper aware of the things they say, the things they do, where they, you know, touch somebody accidentally or not, or so I think things are changing as well. I also think that there’s a natural human instinct to flirt. And I think it difficult as well because we sort of, you know, it’s just in, in a way it also gets difficult.

set where everything’s, you know, everybody has to be very structured and very corporate. So, yeah, it’s just an interesting environment. There’s a lot of change. And if people are trying to figure out what, what is working.

Gissele: Yeah. And I think what you said, is so spot on, I think there’s now like a hesitancy in a real kind of, You know, people are becoming more conscientious, right?

About some of their behavior at the same time. There’s also like a guardedness and a fear that is present because people don’t know then, okay. If this has been acceptable for awhile, whether or not it’s acceptable, that’s kind of debatable. But, but in their mind it has been okay.

So for all this long, this is how I behaved. And now I don’t know what to do. Like, I don’t know how it’s going to be. You want to be conscientious and at the same time, kind of not be paralyzed by your fear right.

Tanya: Yeah. I mean, it is happening. It’s it’s, it’s very interesting seeing the shift.

Gissele: Ya, Ya. thank you for sharing that.

I was, I was really curious because I was like, okay, this is my first actress that I’ll get to talk to. So I’m going to ask about Hollywood in terms of whether or not the stories or whether or not, you know, like maybe that has been kind of the media putting a spin on.

Tanya: To be totally honest and totally upfront. I mean, you know, I’ve also heard of stories where unfortunately, if you know, it’s also sort of backfired in Hollywood too, I have heard that, you know, and I’ve seen that some of the women that have complained, let’s say that they dive back in they’re up for a role and there’s a woman that has a lawsuit that they won in, in the past or whatever.

And then there’s a woman that didn’t complain. And, they’re going to, they’re probably going to go for the, they’re probably gonna choose the actress that didn’t. complain.

Gissele: Yeah, which is really sad.

Tanya: It’s sad, But in the end, you know, to create change, it takes those strong, capable, incredible women to maybe sometimes sacrifice their careers in order for the next generation of women to have those new rules and laws in place.

So I see, I do commend those women. And I’m very proud of those women that were willing to not, you know, be given those next roles, knowing that they most likely weren’t going to be given those next roles because they did choose to sue someone or, you know, be the first person to throw up that red flag saying he did this or he did that and go against some of these, you know, people in Hollywood, these heavy hitters in Hollywood and, and do what they did.

So it was hard for them.

Gissele: Yeah. Yeah, it takes an extraordinary amount of courage to be, especially the early people who are uncovering some of that stuff. I mean, it’s not just for Hollywood, but everywhere. The first people like Rosa parks, the parks people to really say, okay, when, no, I don’t want, I’m going to sit down.

those trail blazers that are putting themselves out there.

It’s just, it’s, it’s so complicated. And it has been complicated and still is complicated. So there’s so many different ways to look at it, but I’m very proud of the women that were the first trailblazers to risk everything, everything. Yeah.

Tanya: Yeah.

Gissele: Thank you for sharing your experiences. I really, really appreciate that. now I want to talk a little bit about how to bring greater love into our home environments. Cause I know that, a lot of what you do and I’m a big follower of Louise hay. And I don’t know if you know who she is. I love her.

And one of the things I know that she used to say is really, How to bring the love into your environment, you know, bless your home, bring the energy of love into your environment. and so I always kind of keep those thoughts in my head, but then I sometimes wonder I’m like, how do you do that?

Like, how do you actually bring the energy of a vibration of love? how do you actually create environments that are kind of more expressing of yourself? are our environments really, truly a reflection of the inner or are they just kind of like.

Tanya: Oh yes. A hundred percent. you know, I’m, I’m, I’m almost finished my book and there’s a chapter that’s all dedicated toward this.

And the first thing that I tell people is, and I did this for myself. So I went through a very tough few years, very tough few years, and, it’s a long story, but anyways, one of the things I had to do was change my environment. . Because I was in an environment that I wasn’t happy with. I was in a very small apartment.

I, I basically lost everything. Like my, everything that I owned, everything I did, everything is just, I, I was out of work for, because I quit a show that I was on and sticking to my integrity. I walked off set because I was in a situation where I didn’t agree with what was going on and. I lost all my money and everything and all my accolades, everything.

And so I was in a very small apartment and, you know, bottom level, dark and everything. And so I thought, okay, I need to create whatever, whatever I have, I need to make it the best that it can possibly be. So the first thing that I did. Is I took out of my environment, everything that reminded me of something that didn’t have a positive memory from the past.

So anything that reminded you of this from the past, or that from a book that you read, that you didn’t like, that it connected you to something someone, some time, anything, even if it was expensive, even if it was something that you just didn’t want to get rid of it, because these are furniture that you loved, but you hate.

Get rid of it. Cause it doesn’t matter. Anyway, they’re just things. And when you lose everything, you realize that it’s just things. And after awhile, it, you don’t care when you lose so much, like you realize nothing matters. Anyway, as far as things, human beings matter, people matter pets matter, living things matter.

My plants mattered more than things, you know, looping things and. So the first thing I tell them to do is get rid of the things in your surrounding that have bad memories or negative attachments, or that you don’t care. And then start to bring in things that give you happiness or hope or things that you like or things that you think are pretty or things that you like, the sound of, or when you look at it, you makes you feel happy.

Like even this little mug here that I have, like,

yeah, right. I mean, I haven’t like, if you look here, I have a disco ball that I have in my,

Gissele: there’s always a party at your place,

Tanya: a house. Now this is a few years later. I changed my life around literally in eight months and now I have a beautiful home in the Palisades, but I took this disco ball from my little apartment and I take it with me, every house that I will ever own.

And every morning, myself and my boyfriend and my daughter, we put it on, it spins every night, it spins, we just dance for no reason. And yeah, I mean, it’s like, people just, they they’re like, I haven’t thought of that, you know, and it brings us so much happiness and energetically even into our home. And, We have plants like right there.

I have an orchid right here, there with color

Gissele: gorgeous.

Tanya: Yeah. And it’s a purple one instead of a white one, you know, and everything we bring into our home now has meaning. I got rid of everything that, that, so it’s a good start. I mean, what I mean by that and yeah, and it’s hard to say goodbye to the past sometimes, but, it’s amazing what it does

Gissele: First, let me applaud you, like for standing up for yourself and saying, you know what, like I can keep my secure job where I can just say this is not working for me. And that in itself takes a great deal of courage because it does have financial impact. Right? And so when we think about it that way, sometimes we hang on a little bit too long, then we should have,

Tanya: I loved my job. I loved what I did.

It’s just there, there was an environment created by one of the executives. That I couldn’t, it was, I couldn’t work for that one person anymore.

Gissele: Yeah. The interesting part is so, so one of the things we do is it’s compassion in the workplace. and it’s amazing how people leave. They leave leaders and they leave their environment.

They don’t leave their jobs. A lot of the times they actually like what they do, Oh, no, I just, I loved the job. I loved my daughter was on the show with me and he doesn’t, you know, I, I was very happy there except for working for my, that one executive that I just couldn’t work for.

Tanya: But anyway,

Gissele: oh, no, that’s okay. I was just going to comment and it’s so sad because when I think about powerful people, Truly empowered. People don’t need to disempower others. They don’t need to use power over approaches and disempowering approaches. Right. And so for so long, we have kind of glorified these people that use power over approaches, And that really is very disengaging to people. Especially people like yourselves who are empowered, who say, okay, yeah, this is not for me. And so you lose really good people.

Tanya: A lot of these, a lot of the people in the industry that ended up, you know, it was during the time when the free sort of blew up as far as, you know, the me too movement.

And it was kind of about eight months before all that blew up. I have left the set and I’m not saying it had anything to do with the me too movement, this particular case it had to do with just, it was just very emotionally. it was like an emotionally sort of abusive environment. I felt personally for me, but I do believe that that he was more.

It was an old school way of Hollywood that I just, I just couldn’t do it anymore, but I do believe, and this is it’s weird because I actually really liked him. You know, how you have a love, hate relationship with somebody. And I actually really still do, like, it’s weird, but I couldn’t work for him. And what I realized is that hurt people, hurt people, you know, people that are bullied will bully and I look back on it and I’m like, It’s because he’s been hurt.

Like he’s probably had an abusive life at some point. And that’s why he’s like that. You know what I mean? But, yeah, hurt people, hurt people. And that was my lesson throughout this whole thing.

Gissele: Yeah. Unfortunately. Yeah, it’s all good now. So yeah. Yeah.

And you know, when you can meet those people with love and compassion, I think that’s what kind of changes things, right.

But first you have to have love and compassion for yourself. So you couldn’t have love and compassion for that person and stay in that environment. So I think that’s what is happening now. Like you are able to get yourself out of a situation in somewhere that is more aligned with you, and then you’re able to reflect back and say, I don’t have to hate the person.

I just don’t have to agree with their behavior. Or accepted by being inside, like to continue the relationship. Right? So.

Tanya: Yeah. Now I don’t know how he feels about me. I’m sure. You know, it doesn’t matter. That’s right,

Gissele: right. Yeah. I also love what you said about the home, in terms of how you got rid of anything that was it in alignment with or that really kind of resonated with you?

Because so many times we hold on to things that we’re like, well, that costs so much money or so-and-so gave me that. And it’s, it has, it has a real negative attachment. I did a 28 day. Have you done one of these where you for every day for 28 days, you get rid of like 21 things

Tanya: I’ve never done that.

Gissele: Oh my gosh. I, every day for 28 days, whether it was little or big, I got rid of 21 things

Tanya: like every day?

Gissele: Every day, 21. And it went at first, it was like, oh my gosh, it was easy. Right. And then it got harder and harder And it was so weird at the end of 28 days, I felt.

Relief, but here’s the really interesting part. People started giving me stuff cause the universe does not like a vacuum. So people gave me free sets, free shoes. Like I got a whole bunch of stuff and I’m like, I got rid of a whole bunch of books and then I went somewhere and they were giving away all these free books.

So my vision, my library just got as full as it was before I was like, okay. So, but isn’t it interesting how, when you bring that energy into the environment, as you were saying that it has an impact, like it’s incredible.

Tanya: They always say the universe has your back and it certainly does, but you have to shift it.

You have to shift it yourself. No one is going to do it for you and through, and it’s interesting because you can sit and sit and sit and sit in you’re stuck for a long time. And until you’re willing to unstuck yourself, it’s, you’re going to sit there and it is so hard sometimes to move it and shift that energy.

But I love what you’re saying and just get rid of stuff that gives you, especially, I believe too, like if you look at that thing, even if it’s on a subconscious level, it just brings that bad energy back into your home. You know what I mean? It doesn’t matter if it costs a lot of money, it keeps you tied to the past.

And when I was in my home, you know, the funny thing is people always think about, you know, when you, when you think about. You know, when, when they say to you don’t think about the past, don’t think of whatever, whatever, like about the past, most people, their past is like negative. Right? My past was so positive.

I was having a hard time releasing my past because I had like, everything was way up here, way up here, way up here. Right. The accolades, I was nominated for Emmys, dating huge stars. I’m just saying this whatever. But at the time I cared because that was my self identity. That’s who I was parties, the red carpets, the, this, the, that going on the phone was ringing.

I mean, it was just like trajectory of this. Right. And then when I walked off set, I kind of feel like the phone stopped ringing. Everybody knew that I had done this and I had done that for five to seven, almost seven years. Stop ringing agents, left managers left, and nobody wanted anything to do with me. That’s how I felt.

And, and it was a tough seven years. And, so I was still attached to my past, but that’s because my, I thought my past was amazing. Right. And so go have an amazing past. What I thought was amazing is also very difficult, whether it’s positive or negative or whatever. So I had no matter what, you’re detaching yourself from.

You have to come to some kind of acceptance. And if there’s things in your house, in your house that are reminding you of something, that’s not making you feel good. Because at that point, my past was not making me feel good,

reinventing yourself. And the other thing to do when we lose everything, which is what happened to me, when you lose everything, the best thing about losing everything is you could just start all over again. The world is like yours to rediscover again. And when I realized that I thought, okay, I get to start over again.

This is kind of, I mean, really who gets to start over again and not worry about what anyone thinks, because after a while about, I don’t care if the phones are ringing anymore, like you give in after a while, because you’ve been.

Gissele: Yeah,

Tanya: To the point where your like, I get to start over.

Gissele: Think you surrender.because I think before you’re like, I think my life is supposed to look like this way or it’s supposed to be this way. And so we get so attached to how things were or how we think they’re supposed to be.

And like you said, if the universe, the universe has your back. therefore you kind of open up to the possibilities of even bigger things or even greater things. but there’s the trust piece, right? Like you have to, you kind of have to let go of the wheel and say, okay,

Tanya: And have some of the stuff in your house start, if you’re thinking, well, I can’t afford it.

You can get amazing stuff online and refurbish stuff. Then take your existing furniture and refurbish it somehow, which is what I’ve done so many times on television. You can even find ways to do it on a very minuscule budget and it is amazing and how fun it is to reach to do it.

Gissele: Yeah, Like bring new energy into it, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I also love the, the, one of the quotes I’ve recently kind of been, playing with is the, there’s no loss in the universe. So in that kind of the 28 day kind of showed me that, right? Like that there’s no there’s anything that is, yours is not, is, is going to be yours in anything that wasn’t yours, divine.

Not going to be yours anyway. So why bother? but I didn’t really realize that I had this kind of lack, mentality and toll. I was going through that 28 day exercise. And I would notice that I had stuff like, let’s say a pair of pajamas that I would only wear on specific occasions, I guess like when, like, like were like my more dressier, but shot.

And I’m like, I’m saving it up for, because why? Because I don’t think that I’m going to have proper pajamas when I need them. And I started to see how my thinking was really kind of reflect. In keeping me smaller. Right? Like it’s keeping my container small because I was like, okay, I have this one special pajamas.

I guess my other pajamas look like crap, but I’m like, well, these in case, like I just pick them out for sure. And I didn’t realize just in my life how much of that I had.

Tanya: pick it up for yourself. I mean, it does make me feel better. It’s true. I know. Even if it’s for nobody but yourself, that around all you want.

Gissele: That’s right. And I just wander around with my special pajamas.

It is one of the things we’re going through, like personally in terms of our life is renovation. And, and renovations. And it’s so funny because I feel like it’s like what we’re talking about that are our home environment really, as a reflection of our inner states. And I kind of feel like we’re going through this metamorphosis in our house looks kind of like that.

And it’s very frustrating, Tanya. So you need to give me some advice because it looks like there’s this old part of the house. Older and we’re still working through it. And then there’s this brand new part of the house that we’re finishing up, but it’s still kind of half way done. And so it feels like we’re in between these two worlds and we’re like, oh, this is so frustrating because when is it going to be done?

But it really is kind of our own evolution, but I gotta be honest. Sometimes you’re like, oh my God, these renovations, when are they going to be done? Help me.

Tanya: Okay. Well, first of all, you are going through what most of the country is going through. Most of north America, I should say because the supply chain has just been so crippled because of COVID.

I mean, we’re trying to redo, we still want to redo. We just moved into this house a year ago. And we want to redo parts of this house too. And cabinetry alone is like seven months, you know, backorder alone.

Gissele: I know its insane, crazy!

Tanya: So just know that there’s no judgment because everybody’s going through it. Yeah. Secondly, when people say, ask me, you know, tell me about that. If you can in the older parts of your home, because you are going to have to live with it longer than normal. I mean, it’s, it’s amazing if you could even get a painter or an electrician or, you know, I mean our, our, contractor, he left us 90%.

He, he finished the, our kitchen 90% and then left us because he went on to a bigger, better job cause he finished it and he’s like, yeah, that was more money over here. Hahaha!

Gissele: Oh, no.

Tanya: And now we can’t get somebody to finish the 10% that because it’s not a big enough job. So we have wires and I get you out of here still.

We’re waiting until a little bit more time passes. So you’re just going through what everybody’s going through. But what I do tell people in the older part of your home, maybe, maybe start looking for some new furniture now and put the new furniture in that part, that part of the house to make it look a little bit newer furniture that you know, you’re going to buy anyway.

Gissele: Oh, ok that’s a great idea.

Tanya: You just look for it earlier. Cause if you know, you’re going to be getting a new couch or this or that, or a new table or whatever that room is a dining table, maybe get it earlier than later so that you have the feeling of something that’s making you really happy in that room.

Yeah.

Gissele: I love that. Yeah, because it’s also preparing for your good right. Preparing for the finished product, the enjoyment, right. I don’t have to delete

Tanya: yeah. Or new carpet, not on not carpet. That goes like a, like a just carpet that goes under the dining table, buy things, you know, you’re going to keep the overall design.

If it’s designed that way in a way where you. Yeah, just to kind of make you get from point A to point B in a happy way, hahah!

Gissele: Yeah. No, no, thank you. I love that idea. in our case It’s more like, so the primary renovations were done by my husband who sort of, in that field of work.

And it’s amazing what he’s been able to do during COVID. I mean, he built a second, like it’s just amazing. He totally built the addition. Like it’s huge. It’s like, for us it’s more like, okay. As things start to pick up on our other work stuff, people don’t want to come pick up smaller jobs because right.

Gissele: Like big core of the thing is done. And so somewhere out there, people, it was a career, big enough smaller jobs.

Yeah. And I think that it has to do with what you were seeing. but on the larger scale, it does look like a larger metamorphosis of society as a whole.

Tanya: Yeah.

Gissele: Cause, cause we’re also seeing it in this mass Exodus of people that are leaving in the workplace.

A lot of people are starting their own businesses. Like, so I think there is this kind of huge spiritual change that’s happening. And I think it’s also reflect being reflected in this kind of halfway done houses and lack of access to things.

Tanya: I also think people are working from home now. Yeah, it was a massive shift, even, you know, the network that I worked for A&E right?

I mean, their offices are not they’re empty. Their offices are empty. I mean, I think there’s maybe 10% less than the employees that are back in New York. And I went back to work and all those offices are empty, which means all those people are at home still, and people want to make their environment in their home nicer.

So we’re trying to completely change the inside of our homes cause we’re home all the time. So that to me, I mean, we know this, but that to me is like really what’s causing all of this and I think it’s going to be like that for a couple of years. So we just have to be all, we just all have to be more patient.

And try and I honestly like right now, you’re young and you’re ambitious, get into the contracting business.

Gissele: Yeah, that’s right. And come to our small jobs.

That is so, so true. I wonder what’s going to happen with all those offices. I know that people are now starting new businesses where people are co-sharing environments. So if they have like a rental space, You come and use it Monday, Wednesday.

And these people use it Thursday, Friday so I do think I’m seeing that kind of more pickup.

Tanya: I haven’t heard that they’re going to be using a lot of it for online shopping warehousing. Oh, that’s smart too.

Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. As everybody’s shopping online, now they need warehouses for each of the different areas to be able to deliver quicker and faster. Yeah. And you know, people want their stuff like that. Right. We’re

Gissele: All guilty of that. I’m always like, I feel that a soul bad for like the drivers and totally understand why they’d be unionizing, but don’t you like it get excited when your package is coming earlier than usual.

And then I think to myself, there’s one day, I think it was delivered on a Sunday and I thought this poor soul that is delivering something on a Sunday at this time, but isn’t it nice that my package is here.

Tanya: I kind of feel like it’s great too, that they’re employed and making money at the same time out of work too.

And I’ve worked planning of Sundays when I was younger and I was so grateful for it. Yeah, we got that. You know what I’m gonna do this year. So I’m going to put out by my front door, a grateful. I’ve already made. I have it all already to go already. And it’s a grateful box filled with like, just all kinds of stuff.

I have a little candy canes, but also have masks and, and, what do I have in it? I have waters. I mean, because I don’t live in Canada. little pure bottles and just filled with all kinds of things that I think that they might need along their way and snacks and chips and, you know, granola bars. And it’s a big box and it says, take whatever you need.

Thank you so much for. Your delivery service throughout the year.

Gissele: I love it. I love it. Sorry. My brain was just working in terms of like, oh, how could I do that? But the only concern I would have, I think would be the animals. because we live early, we have tons of animals. So I think like maybe a bin that closes and the people that can open and close would be really helpful

Tanya: I’ll put food. Oh, oh, that’s right. Okay. Yeah. Just put his Socrates or put. Shannon, you know, sanitizer waters like that, that they might not be as interesting. Oh,

Gissele: Yeah. Yeah. I love that idea.

Tanya: Oh, that’s so awesome. Looking out for the candy cane, get a picture. It’s a good Instagram.

Gissele: Watch my Instagram blow up and have like a raccoon with a candy cane.

Saying thank you.

Tanya: Oh, that’s so funny.

Gissele: That’s so great. Oh, it’s so great. Thank you so much. I did want to switch things a little tiny bit. I know that you’re a sought after speaker in that you talk to women about how they can find tools to find their voice. I was wondering if you could talk a little bit about that and about some of the tools that you recommend for women in on their path to empowerment.

Tanya: You know, I talk a lot about my experience of the time when I did go through that very hard time and how it was difficult because, I, I was at the time, I mean, I was still in technically I’m a single mom. And, you know, when I was working on the show that I was on, I was ma I was doing okay financially.

But you know, all because there was on intelligence doesn’t mean I was making a ton, a ton, a ton of money. I was making a lot back in the day. And, you know, as we all know, there’s not as much money in the entertainment businesses there used to be. And the show that I saw, I was, I was, I was making as much as I was pretty much spending at the time, living in Los Angeles is extremely expensive.

I can imagine, like I had to, you know, it was me and my daughter. And I wasn’t getting much from my ex, which is fine because, you know, it’s quite offensive here. And, and, so it was like one of those situations where I knew that once I left, I knew that it was going to be possibly a tough road. And, you know, when you go through that struggle of holding onto your integrity, knowing what’s.

For you and, and, and having a voice within yourself and to others and setting an example and staying true to yourself. You know, I, I, I, I talk about that with women because we, as women, we can’t live our, we can’t live a lie. I mean, We’re not, we’re not built that way. You know, we can only go so long like that before we start to crumble.

It’s just not who we are. And, we’re more, we’re just sensitive beings, I think inside, and we want to be feminine and we want to be in touch with our feminine side. And we’re so men we’re. So like the world that we live in now, we, you know, we take on both the male and the female role do we have to work and we have to provide, and we have to, because it takes two incomes to survive now.

You have to raise kids and cleaning the house and you have to cook and it’s, it’s really tough. And those of us that have a husband or that have a husband that helps is it’s, we’re really lucky. I mean, you know, so all of you men out there that help your wives and that are a part really, you know, that are contributing to the, to their wives, you know, Responsibilities.

You’re awesome. Like you guys, you guys rock, I mean, seriously, you rock,

Gissele: Yah, big shout out to my husband, he cooks he does

Tanya: chivalrous men out there. We love you. And, you know, my, the man I’m with right now, it couldn’t be more of that. He’s incredible. But it took me like 50 years to find that, you know, although my daughter’s father is a great dad as well, but, But anyway. So I just talked to them about, you know, staying true to that and, and, and what that does to, to yourself as a woman, by taking that chance and taking that step.

And like you said, how the universe has your back, you can shift your life and change your life by taking these steps and, you know, I mean, I’m I wrote a book about all of this because when I, when I lost everything and I was in, I was in my deepest, darkest, there’s always gold at the bottom of the. Of your right, whenever you, whenever you’re at your rock bottom, there’s always gold at the rock bottom, and it’s hard to find, but it is

Gissele: it’s true.

This looks more like garbage

Tanya: It looks like garbage and it feels like Garbage it’s hard. And when I was there, I thought. I needed these answers. I needed to get to find my way out and I wasn’t getting any. And I was sitting there. I sat there for a good five years and I was like, I’m not getting any answers. I felt very alone.

I wasn’t getting any, any help from anyone, you know? And it was really hard. I, and I, and I kept quiet too. Like I wasn’t really active on social media. I really didn’t want anybody to know, but I was suffering. There’s people in life that have been through a worst rock bottom than mine, and they got out of it.

So how did they do it? So I started a podcast called life masters, and I interviewed a hundred people that, you know, hit rock bottom and got out of it. And the first 46 interviews I did, I was in my rock bottom when I did those interviews. Like I didn’t want to do the podcast. The truth is okay, this is the truth I need to have already admitted publicly.

But I think I did once, but I did Iowasca cause I was so desperate. I didn’t care if I died or not. Honestly, I was at the lowest of the low. I was like, I don’t care. I did Iowasca and the medicine told me, I think I’m not. But the medicine told me to do, to interview a hundred people that hit rock bottom and got out of it.

And that I’d find my answers there. And I’m like, I have no idea what this stuff is saying to me. This is nuts, but okay. That’s what I’m doing. Yeah, literally. Told me to do that, like on a very

Gissele: I totally believe it. Yeah, absolutely. I that’s how I kind of started this podcast too. It was kind of like this, you know, kind of guidance of like, okay, you need to do this.

And it’s like, I didn’t even know what a podcast was. You think you could share like your favorite story from your podcasts? Like one of, one of like your favorite stories that you found? Cause I totally understand what you’re saying in terms you know, when you’re at your rock bottom, you do want to hear stories of people overcoming.

Where you are, who I’ve gotten past, where you are. what would you, what was one of your favorite stories?

Tanya: Well, you know, interviewing that many people, first of all, I realized that after interviewing that many of, I realize, wow, these people don’t even know each other from different walks of life. And they all sort of did the same thing, which was mind blowing, but it took me time to sort of before the bell went off and I’m like, this is crazy.

So I’m going to start doing. What they’re saying that you know, that they did. And so there’s a series of things that I started implementing in my life and I started doing it. And so I’ll, I’ll answer your question. One of the stories, was this, this man that I met and, he’s incredible. He was born without any legs.

Right. and his whole story was, was insanely crazy. Cause I was thinking, wow. I mean, how do you, how do you live life like that? Anyways, he ended up becoming qualified or the American Olympics on the American Olympic team. But not only that, it’s not, it’s not the paraplegic team.

It’s the, the Olympic team, like the running team with men that have. And so, yeah. And so he qualified and when I did the, the interview with him, his whole, I mean, can you imagine the mentality that it, that it took for this man as a child being teased and being ridiculed and being told? No, no, no, no, you can’t.

You can’t because you’re this, you’re not that you’re this and the meant the mentality it took for this. To believe in himself because no one else did enough, except I think his parents did. And to get him to train his trainers, Willy bald was a very good friend of mine. He’s look up Lily, God, he’s incredibly, he’s playing the bears and the Raiders.

And he’s one of the fastest, he’s like 60 something now. And he’s like got a 35 year old. Body’s insane. And he trains him and he’s just, and he, this man is just incredible. So it’s the stories of. People that have had, and it put mine in perspective, like my rock bottom, it put everything in perspective for me, you know, I thought, wow.

And just the. Hallelujah. He, that he had to deal with to get to where he is now. So he was one of my favorite stories. And then, you know, I met another guy that became paralyzed from their head down when he was 15 playing football in high school. And now he’s a big public speaker and an inspire, and he’s just incredible.

He’s written books and you know, he’s got a girlfriend now and I mean, it’s just, these stories are just insane and not all of them are physical changes. Some of them, you know, I interviewed someone else who was homeless at. As parents abandoned him. I think his mother passed away. His mom passed away and his father abandoned him and he was homeless, like homeless and an 11 year old boy and someone one day gave him a book.

It was called rich man, poor man. The famous book gave him this book. His name is Joseph McLendon. Joseph McClendon is you. Wouldn’t talking about and he’s so if you can listen to that one on my podcast. For sure. The members of the day, this guy gave him a book read. This changed his life and, and it didn’t happen overnight.

I mean, you know, nothing does happen overnight, but every single one of them remembers the day when they decided that they were worth. Didn’t happen over night, they all decided they were going to make a change. And I mean, it was just incredible stories. And so I wrote a book on everything that I learned by interviewing a hundred people that hit rock bottom.

No need more than a hundred. I’m about to do 30 more. I just bought 30, more like sessions to interview.

Yeah. So I’m finishing my book up sooner and then it’ll be coming out next year. And in 2022, I’m excited about it. But, and then I talk about my life and the miracles that happened and what I did when I implemented everything I learned and it’s pretty incredible. I changed my life within eight months, everything turned around.

I was in rock bottom for five years and in eight months, everything changed. And it’s, I don’t know, maybe. Maybe it’s circumstance. Maybe it’s a miracle. I don’t know what it is. All I know is that I did what I was told to do and, and things changed around. So maybe it’s the universe. Maybe it’s God, maybe it’s both.

Maybe it’s all of it. Maybe it’s all the same thing. I. Yeah. Wow.

Gissele: Wow. Such incredible, incredible stories. it’s so funny we’re only limited by our own limited thinking. Right? so the thing that we really have to overcome is ourselves and our thoughts. Right. All those thoughts that keep us kind of capped

Right. so it’s like, it’s like, how do we get beyond ourselves? I mean, that fellow who actually ended up in the. He must have seen himself beyond what other people saw beyond how he might’ve viewed himself when he was younger. So he must have seen himself at some point, reaching that goal in order for him to reach that goal, it goes to the human potential.

Tanya: I know the last time I spoke with them, they were debating whether or not he was going to be allowed to actually compete in the Olympics because he was fast. So I know that they’re going a lot of tests, but he had broken so many records, so I don’t, and I should know this and I’m not sure if he actually ended up in the Olympics.

And then there was all this on whether or not he was actually going to be on the team. So I’m actually, I’m going to call Willie and I’m going to find out because regardless of whether he made it or not,

Gissele: No, qualifying is plenty, hahahaha. Many people who are able, they’re not able to qualify. Right. Through all of it is what you think is very powerful. And when you put thought behind something, you know, like we still get so addicted to negative thoughts, it’s so easy to go down that rabbit hole. Like, oh, I don’t have this and I don’t have that. I did it. I still do it. I mean, we all have our days and easy to put that emotion behind it and get caught up in that.

Tanya: But it’s just as easy to flip it around. Like the minute you putting that emotion negatively behind a thought, switch it, put emotion behind a positive thought or stop it right there. Even when you’re driving down the street. And you’re about to like, you know,

and don’t give. Just imagine your best day. And so I started going hiking. One of the things I did is I started hiking and imagining myself, hosting a show, again, writing a book and winning an Emmy. And because I’ve been nominated, I haven’t won yet. So I know one day I’m going to win. I know, you know what I’m seeing for you as I see it, right.

It’s there. And so I started listening to Joe Dispenza. I’m a big Joe Dispenza fan.

Gissele: Me too. I love, Dr. Joe.

Tanya: They put those headphones on and I would just think and feel, and envision like everything I’ve wanted in life every day, even in my depths of despair of my deepest, darkest, you know, my lowest of the lowest, I made myself do it.

And every day I started feeling a little better, better, better, and these are things that all the other life masters that I interviewed that I’m just giving a few tips here. Right. And I just committed to it committed. And things started, like you said, starting to turn around a little and about eight months later, this is no joke.

I was out of work for a long time. No phones ringing nothing. I got a call from a and E from Christian Murphy at a and E and he calls me and he’s like, we want to bring your show back, sell this house. Now sell this house has been on the air for 10 years. It went off for seven years. This is like, who brings shows back?

I mean, nobody brings shows back, right? A few shows came back, but not. Yeah, and we need you to hope you think you’re fabulous and we can’t do it without you.

And my rent was like $3,000 a month, right. For a tiny one bedroom crappy apartment in Los Angeles. It’s like, it was down to the wire and, yeah. And now fast forward, two years, executive producer on another show called smart home. I created it. We just aired our first 10 episodes. We’re waiting for season two.

We shot in Toronto also. And so there’s that sell this house? We’re waiting for season in your book selling shows and yeah, just, everything’s just such, I mean, a great relationship. Just we bought a house in the Palisades a year ago and everything’s, daughter’s happy. And so you can change.

I’m not saying I’m not, you know, I’m not saying, do I ask it? But I’m just saying,

Gissele: although some people do it, they just do it safely. Right? Like you usually have to have like an Iowasca person to help you. What, but however you gain that higher level of consciousness. yeah.

Tanya: Yeah, definitely.

With self one way or another and, and a good way is how you started, you know, it has a lot to do with your environment and what’s in your home and anything that brings bad memories into your home. Just get rid of it. It’s cool. Bring the yummy stuff. Yeah.

Gissele: Awesome. I did. We’re coming up to the end of the podcast.

I did want to ask you if you could share a bit about walls of hope. can you share a little bit about, maybe talk about some of the great work you guys have done.

Tanya: Yeah. So unfortunately since COVID, we have not really been able to do much, because we can’t get there.

So that’s been very unfortunate. Wells of hope is, is my father’s on the board. And so it’s, it’s just time that my father over there in Guatemala, there’s a whole team of them. It’s incredible what they do. We build Wells and we bring water to the mountainous regions of Halabja in Guatemala. Yeah. And, and really the reason why we chose a Lapa is because there’s less restrictions.

And so in regions and the government doesn’t really get involved and it’s just easier for us to go and help these people. And we also build schools, made a tremendous difference in. Area in that part of the world. And it’s just incredible. I mean, my father goes there now and they call him Santa Claus.

Like he’s famous there now. I mean, every single as well need, they need the donations so badly ensuring that every little bit of the way. And also, I mean, they need the volunteers. They need to go in and help and do this. And, eventually. Started up again, but you know, any volunteers, they need the money they need, but I go, I used to go, I used to try to go every single year.

And it’s an incredible, incredible experience. And teachers, you guys can bring your students and it’s just, it’s wonderful. Yeah.

Gissele: Yeah. And education is so, so important, right? Like to be able to have that ability for the students to learn and to be able to in fresh water, obviously it’s a basic need.

So I think it’s, it’s great.

Tanya: And also, I think everybody in a first world country should go to a third world country at least five times minimum in their life. And just to realize how lucky we are. Yeah.

Gissele: Yeah. It’s so interesting. I was reading, since you mentioned that I was reading recently, then somebody was talking about how paradoxical it was that, sometimes people in third world are super happy in.

Sometimes people in first worlds are really quite miserable, so it just seems like. It just seems like a disconnect in terms of, like, you think that all of these things would make you happy, but then you’ve got this other group that doesn’t have that, but I guess they have the kind of foundations of community cohesiveness and you might kind of have a north America and it’s it’s, I think it’s, it’s paradoxical. So there’s mutual learning to be gained for sure, by, by kind of, you know, going out and exploring the world.

Tanya: We rely on humans for survival. They rely on each other family, especially for survival.

And here we rely on money and. That’s a huge difference. I mean, we don’t our family always first or other people. First we put them second, third, fourth, and fifth. I mean, I do feel like. It’s we’re in survival mode here and completely other different, I mean, we’re in survival mode and money is the drive here, unfortunately.

And in third world countries, it’s all about community and family because that’s how you survive, you know? And who’s supposed to you and how big your family is and how many kids, you have.

Gissele: Wow, Yeah I’ve never kind of looked at it that way. That’s, that’s so true. It’s so true.

Tanya: Like you, you know, It’s like a party, right? So we can go over to their house and their house is literally like it’s mud on them, not mud, like wet mud, but like a dirt floor laying bricks. And I mean, they, if they’re lucky to have an actual stove, not like what we have, there’s no electricity, it’s kind of electricity, but it’s very like one wire with one light bulb.

And there’s very, you know, with wood. And some coal that they might get at a store. And there’s a hole in the roof where the sort of chimney and you sit there and there’s like chickens running under the table. And, but it’s filled with people like it’s only one room at the time and maybe, you know, a bed in the corner.

Gissele: And it’s filled with family and they’re singing and they’re happy and they’re just, you know, serving food that I don’t know how long it’s been on. There’s not really a refrigerator. And we’re like, well, okay, well, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Tanya: Um, so fun. Like they’re just, that’s what they do every night.

They just do that every night. And the kids all sleep in the same bed with their mom and dad and don’t know, the other way of living, you know, it’s the families that have the television sets that are more messed up than the families that don’t

Gissele: Yah, wow, interesting

Tanya: Outside world. Right. And they start to see what there.

Gissele: Yeah exactly, they start to see a greater kind of division.

Can you share with the audience where they can find you where they can find your podcast and when your upcoming book is happening?

Tanya: Yeah. So, one of my website, mami.com, and you can find everything there except my book. I don’t know when it’s coming up. It’s definitely 20, 22. I’m in the final stages of my book.

Just going over all the content. So that’s happening. I’m very excited about that. I don’t have a name for the book yet, so I’m, I’m going to come up with. Last that’s happening last, but it’s based basically on my podcast, my life masters podcast, life masters, my friends, you can find on all the podcasts platforms.

And, my TV show is on a and E, which is sell this house and smart home nation. And it’s also on the FYI channel, smart home. And, we are, I don’t, I it’s smart home nation where we runs. I don’t know if they’re airing quite yet. We just finished airing both series, like last week. And we’re going to start up again in 2022, but there might, you might be able to like, you know how you can binge watch them on.

Yeah, just go to my website. Oh, and then check out my Instagram. Instagram is at Tonya mammy official and I’m also on Facebook, which is tiny menu. I’m out there.

Gissele: You’re out there. Thank you so much, Tanya. This was such an exciting conversation. It was so amazing and I will definitely be implementing some of those ideas in terms of, really only keeping the things that kind of speak to my heart.

so I really, really appreciate that. Thank you everyone for joining us for another episode of the loving compassion podcast, and have a wonderful week. Bye.

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