Ep.11 Barbara Klein – Self Love and online Dating

Tune in to hear Barbara's wisdom around the importance of loving yourself while finding and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Transcript

Gissele: [00:00:00] Hello everyone. And welcome to the love and compassion podcast with. Please don’t forget to like and subscribe. Please write us a review on Apple podcast. My guest today has been called the love coach. She discovered her passion for helping people at a very young age. Through her roller coaster journey, she has been diligently, discovering who she is and understanding human behavior. She transformed her career to become a dating and life coach after she met her forever love. She is currently the owner of Best Your dating and life coaching, where she loves helping singles, who are frustrated and lonely by teaching them how to discover their own self-worth so they can fall in love with someone they’re aligned with. She knows the online dating world can be scary. She’s here to help you through the experience and come out feeling successful and in love. She also enjoys networking, interviewing interesting people and spending time with her family and her forever love.  Please join me in welcoming Barbara Kline.

Hi Barbara.

Barbara: [00:01:00] Hi, thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate this.

Gissele: [00:01:04] Thank you so much for being here. I was wondering if you could share a little bit about the life circumstances that led you to becoming a dating coach.

Barbara: [00:01:12] Sure.

Absolutely. So, it started of course in childhood as most adventures do. My father was a domineering controlling man, and so of course I gravitated towards domineering controlling men. And I met my husband in high school, actually in junior high, but we started dating in high school. So yeah. We were both from, you know, I had a slightly dysfunctional family.

He had an even more dysfunctional family. So, when we fell in love and developed a relationship, we were feeding each other’s needs for love and feeling, feeling needed by someone. So at the age of 18, I got married and it was a rollercoaster marriage. And what it taught me was, and what he encouraged me with was figuring out who I really was because, I was inside a shell.

Growing up in the environment that I grew up in, I felt I had no voice. I was told I had no voice and how dare I express my opinion and things of that nature. Sure. And I lived in fear. So I had to release the fear. I had to figure out who I really was inside in order to be able to create a voice that I felt was authentic.

And it took me many, many years to do that. In the meantime, we have two daughters, still have two daughters and at the age of 39, my husband suddenly passed away. Now he was not well, but it was not anything that we expected for him to pass away from. So it was a sudden shock and it threw me and my daughters into a really turbulent grief process.

And I really felt I couldn’t, I wasn’t there for them. My parents thank God where my rocks and they were supporting us through this, you know, serious episode. I was running my own business at the time, which I really felt disconnected from. So there were so many things going on, but the one thing that was in my head at the time was “who’s going to love me now?” because I was a hundred pounds overweight.

And that was all I could think about. You know, at least with a husband, you know, you’re basically secure and we always worked on our marriage and you know, all that, but then when they die, it’s like, Oh my God. And I wasn’t in the place I am now back then. To feel secure as an individual. I needed the support of another person.

So through a particular circumstances, I called a friend of my late husband because I needed some work done in the home and in my business. And he came and he looked at it and I knew he was divorced. But I didn’t really expect anything to come of it, but he would call me about the work and we would talk on the phone and it would get personal and my kids would act up and he would advise me what to do with them.

And so it just sort of developed. So after about three months of us being just friends, we decided it was time to start a relationship. So, well that created a 14 year relationship again with another strong domineering controlling gentlemen. So towards the end of that relationship, when I was really gaining a lot of strength in myself, I had done the work to get the hundred pounds off.

I was just feeling really much better about myself, but even though I knew that that. Those behaviors, those feelings from losing the weight could have been a factor in the relationship. What I was able to see at that point was that the relationship was not serving my needs and we tried to work it out and it was not working out.

So we ended the relationship. So then I began a journey about me. And figuring out who I really was, what brought me joy. I realized I had, like, I had lots of friends, but no real girlfriends. So I went and I met girlfriends and created those kinds of relationships. And then I start the online dating journey.

And, Oh, was that an interesting experience? I can imagine. So it takes six years. And then after about two or three years working with the dating coach. Really. Gaining some wonderful insight about myself, about my behaviors, how it was not serving me, what I truly was looking for, even though I had already discovered or knew what I wanted, I could never find anybody in that even.

In that category. And so it created an environment with working with this dating coach to really develop myself and my way of being so that I could bring about somebody who was the quality person I was looking for. So after two years of that we found each other and we’d been in a relationship for almost three years now.

Gissele: [00:06:53] Oh, that’s amazing. Congratulations.

Barbara: [00:06:55] Thank you.

Gissele: [00:06:56] That’s wonderful. Something you said earlier, which was around that you were discovering your authentic voice because you hadn’t had one in during your childhood. And I was wondering, how did you realize that was your authentic voice?

Barbara: [00:07:12] So as a child and a young adult, I loved helping people. People seem to gravitate towards me to tell me their problems and, you know, ask for my advice, which I found really interesting and it developed throughout my entire life. So what I realized, and I went to therapy on and off some more intense than others, some better therapists than others.

But through that process, I really learned about who I was and that I didn’t need to fear people’s anger, because that was real. I remember being so fearful of men as a child that, that debilitated me and again, it progressed as things went on. My late husband encouraged me to voice my opinion because I was afraid to do that.

I didn’t want to upset him and caused him to be angry because again, fearing people’s anger. So as the years progressed learning to run my own business. I had a daycare center. I had 20 employees, lots of clients. I had to be able to step up. And be the role model in that, in that business. So I had to find my voice.

So that was probably the biggest hurdle in that experience. And then as I continued my journey, I sold that business. I went into another position in dentistry, which was my original occupation and running a dental office. Again, you have to have a voice, you have to control your employees. You have to help your patients, you know, and make sure that the office is running as smoothly as possible and meeting its benchmarks.

So those were the things that helped elevate me and be able to discover my voice. And once I found it, early on. I was able to really develop it to a point where now I’m totally comfortable walking into a room where I don’t know a soul and striking up conversations with total strangers.

Gissele: [00:09:28] Which is great.

Barbara: [00:09:29] Yeah.

Gissele: [00:09:30] You mentioned online dating and I would say that probably there’s been a rise in online dating since COVID right. How challenging do you think COVID is making dating and connecting for people right now.

Barbara: [00:09:42] Well, it really has to do with the person’s mindset, so sure. If you want it to be difficult, like, Oh, how am I going to meet anybody?

You can meet people online. You can have conversations. You can arrange to do video chats with people just like we’re doing now. And you can be creative. And make creative dates for online visual dating and then if the two people are in the same place and they’ve stayed safe. They can arrange for a socially distant live face-to-face meeting and, you know, take a walk, sit down at a coffee shop, sit outside and have a cup of coffee and talk, whatever it is that you decide to do.

If you’re into bike riding, go do that. There’s so many things one can do. In the outside, if you’re wearing masks, you can be slightly closer than six feet and you can experience each other in a more  personal way, but again, it has to do with being open to new ideas and being creative with those ideas.

Gissele: [00:10:54] Thank you for that, because I think there might be especially people who are just starting out there might be a real fear around, like, how am I going to do this. In your website you mentioned people that in one of the things I love about it is that you mentioned helping people throughout their journey.

If they’re just starting out or if they’re restarting again. and some of those people might be really worried around, like, what am I going to find out there? I haven’t been dating for a while, or I’m just new to dating. and so they might worry that people might not be as authentic online, maybe as you might be with somebody who just meet at a coffee shop, for example,

Barbara: [00:11:25] Yeah. I mean, online dating can be scary and you’re one of a million prospects out there. So it’s really important to make sure that your profile, the pictures and the written word are of the best quality you can create and positive. And that’s one of the things I help my clients with.

Gissele: [00:11:48] Oh, that’s great. That’s great to know. Thank you.

Barbara: [00:11:51] Yeah your welcome.

Gissele: [00:11:51] I was wondering if you could share some of the most common issues that single people who reach out for your assistance, what are they facing?

Barbara: [00:11:59] Yes. So the biggest thing I hear is loneliness, not being able to meet people that they’re aligned with and wondering how that, how that can even happen because in the pool of people that they have exposure to online, you know, maybe 1% is what they’re really aligned with, but they’re meeting the other 99% and feeling frustrated.

And I certainly can appreciate that because I met a lot of people. I kissed a lot of frogs and, but I took each experience as a learning experience. So when you talk to somebody it’s important to have guidelines and boundaries. So if somebody, if you’re speaking with somebody, you know, even just online and all of a sudden things are coming out, that you’re feeling uncomfortable about, that’s a red flag and that’s one where you would say, you know, I need to step back.

So you become less communicative with that person and you move on and you should be communicating, hitting with multiple people. Not just one. Yes. Sometimes that’s all there is, is just one, but. It’s important to open your pool in order to be able to say, communicate with five different people, because maybe only one of those five is one that you’re going to continue to have a conversation with and actually develop a possible friendship that could work into something else.

Gissele: [00:13:43] That’s great. Thank you, you mentioned something that I think is really important, which is around listening to your intuition, which is listening to those flags. Cause sometimes we don’t, sometimes we’re like, well, maybe it was just this once. Or in order to avoid being lonely. I think sometimes we sacrifice our own intuition and our own vision for what we really want so that we can make it work with whomever is on the other side.

What are some ways that people can, can listen to their intuition or listen to some of those flags?

Barbara: [00:14:14] Yes. So I will tell you that a lot of people accommodate to make it work and changing yourself in order to make a relationship work is not serving yourself. So that’s the first message. How can people figure things out?

Lists make lists. First of all, you need to know who you are. That’s the number one thing you need to feel secure in your own self. So when you’re feeling insecure and you’re showing up needing, you’re going to beg the person to stay, you’re going to alter yourself in order to make you fit into their mold, that is not healthy for you or for them.

And it, it creates an environment for a relationship to fail. So what can you do? So yes. Understand yourself first. That’s very, very important. Be clear about what type of relationship you’re looking for. So depending on a person’s age, are you looking for marriage? Are you looking for just a friendship?

Are you looking for a companion? Are you looking for a real long-term relationship? Are you looking for a hookup? Those are the questions you need to ask yourself. What are you really looking for? I know what I’m really looking for. But it’s, it’s important to know what level of a relationship is one looking for.

And then it’s important to have a written plan of what the attributes are of the person you’re trying to attract. And there should be a top 10 that if they don’t have these top 10, it’s a deal breaker. So that’s a way to determine whether there’s an issue with the person that you’re communicating with.

If they, if they reveal something that is in your top 10, for example, for me, it would be a non-smoker. If the person reveals that they’re a smoker, that would be something that I would say, I’m sorry, I cannot date a smoker. You know, I’m allergic, I’ve got allergies, whatever, the reason it doesn’t really matter.

These are your particular niches and you want to stick to those things.

Gissele: [00:16:45] And I think what you said about is so fundamental because basically what you’re doing is visioning, right. You creating a vision for the kind of relationship that you’re looking for, and you’re making sure that you don’t deviate from that vision and I, and I love how you talked about attributes, because I think those are important. If generosity is something that is a really important attribute for you, but you’re encountering somebody who has problems with generosity. There’s no way you can fit that into that mold and try to accommodate or try to force someone.

I think so often people think that they can change someone else.

Barbara: [00:17:17] Right.

Gissele: [00:17:17] And I think that’s probably where people get stuck, because really the only people we have any control over is ourselves. Right?

Barbara: [00:17:24] Absolutely. And the other thing that I learned in my daycare business was that you can’t be all things to all people.  So don’t try be yourself, promote yourself as, as one does on an online dating platform and you will eventually find the right person. It’s not gonna be the first person you chat with. It’s not going to be the fifth one. But it could be the, the 25th. It could be the 30th. It could be the hundredth for me, it was the hundredth.

If I go back and think about all the people, all the first meets I’ve gone on. And some short-term relationships that I did get into. Yeah. And I saw how those were, I was not aligned with those people. So it’s really important to be open and not allow yourself to get so caught up in the possible connection that at a first meet, you’re already planning what China pattern you want to buy. It’s that common.

Gissele: [00:18:28] Do people still buy China patterns?

Barbara: [00:18:30] You see, I’m old school. So

Gissele: [00:18:37] That’s all right.

Barbara: [00:18:38] You know, I just thought that was a cute analogy that my girlfriend said to me, because we don’t get so caught up in the what ifs and, oh my goodness, this could be the one and we could build a life together and you’re just meeting your it’s. So, you know, that’s just so beyond live in the now.

Think about the moment that you’re in right now. So if today is the day you’re meeting somebody either virtually or in-person for the first time, just be open to the experience. And whatever is, is because you may not feel anything or feel aligned with this person or red flags may demonstrate at that first meet.

And you’re like, forget it. I’m done. I’m not interested. And the other person might be like, you know, this was nice, but thank you. And you never hear from them again. So if you get so caught up emotionally in that possible experience, you’re going to be disappointed. So the goal is keep your emotions low, keep your expectations low, and you won’t be disappointed, but if it works out great all well and good, but again, even during the first few dates, you want to keep your emotions low because you don’t know.

People show up with their best face forward. I refer to that as the honeymoon stage. So when that all goes away and the real self shows up, who are they really being? And are you truly aligned with who they’re really being?

Gissele: [00:20:13] I think what you’re talking about is a level of detachment, right and I think part of the reason why people and I’m uh wondering what your thoughts on this are? I think the reason why people fast-forward themselves is because they don’t want to be lonely.  As you mentioned, loneliness is such a huge thing. What do you think contributes to people’s loneliness? because this is something that I’ve been hearing more and more and more that with COVID and the technology and all these pieces, there’s a greater sense of loneliness that’s so big.

Barbara: [00:20:39] Yes. So the COVID experience is certainly exacerbating our loneliness that I can definitely attest to that. So we’ve already experienced the holidays and for a lot of people, that will be a very difficult, lonely time.

So, yeah. Why are people experiencing more severe loneliness?

So it could be that they don’t, they’re not truly in touch with themselves. And this is really the core of most coaching experiences is truly learning to love yourself. And why is that important? It’s important because when you love yourself, you’re going to hold yourself higher. You’re going to feel better about yourself.

You’re going to do things that demonstrate love and nurturing for yourself. And when you’re disconnected from your internal heart, you’re looking for external stimuli in order to fill you when really you’re filling of your heart and your self love needs to come from yourself. So. Especially at this time, it’s important to create a hobby.

If you don’t have one read books, listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, go to virtual meetings, do something where you feel a sense of connection to something or something is pulling your mind away. I mean, how many movies can we watch? Sure. It’s a great thing. And I do, I do enjoy my binge watching of certain shows, but it’s important to figure out how you can create a bond with others, but also elevate yourself.

So for many people during this, um, isolation time. They have been working on themselves, which I feel is really beneficial and so I’ve seen that and a lot of people that I’ve communicated with and I’m working with have made the statements that this is a time where they’ve really had time to self reflect and to figure out, you know, that they do want to be able to try to create a relationship with someone, be it now, or once COVID is released so that they can live the rest of their life with a partner.

Gissele: [00:23:16] Mmhmm, yeah, that’s wonderful. I’ve heard that people should date themselves before they date other people. Right. And you should be nurturing to yourself and take yourself like, you know, On a date and, you know, be giving yourself the attention and love that you want to give someone else.

What are your thoughts on that?

Barbara: [00:23:35] I mean, you’re absolutely correct. For example, when I got out of my second long-term relationship, I really sat down and thought about the things that brought me joy as a child, because that was really when I was not connected to anybody else, other than to my immediate family.

And when I was a kid from the age of like five, until about 13. I did ballet and I really loved it. And I felt that I was really good at it. And when they introduced toe shoes, that’s when I was like, Oh, there’s no way I can do this. This is too painful. And I’m not going to cause myself this kind of pain.

So I thought, okay, so I’m not going to go back to ballet, but what could I do? Well, I saw a Groupon for ballroom dancing.

Gissele: [00:24:19] Wow, awesome.

Barbara: [00:24:20] So, yeah, so I went and I tried that and it was so disheartening to see how uncoordinated I became and I’m graceful and everything, but I stuck with it for like six years.

Gissele: [00:24:36] Did you have fun?

Barbara: [00:24:37] Yeah. I had a wonderful time. I met wonderful people and it was enjoyable and we’d go to social dancing events and dance with different people. And mind you, I was going as a single person because nobody I was dating at the time was a ballroom dancer. And even though there were single people, you know, it just never worked out.

So. It’s just a way to nurture your joy and to find your joy. The other thing I realized I loved was live music trying new restaurants and, and hanging out with my girlfriends. So it’s really important to figure out what makes you, you, and to develop the love that you have inside of yourself, for the things that bring your joy. So that would be dating yourself. Yeah.

Gissele: [00:25:31] And you know what, thank you. That was fantastic. I think, you know, joy is such a key part of, of loving ourselves, but there’s, so it feels at times like there’s so little joy out there in the world. Like we don’t really you don’t see adults play and do silly things as you know, and that’s one of the things I appreciate about my children as they keep me silly and they keep me playing and they keep me, you know, let me think.

Sometimes they get tired of how silly I can be with them. And they’re like, mom, why can’t you just be like more mature or whatever. But I think it is like joy is so important and being joyful in the present moment and enjoying what you’re doing at the moment without having to think about what’s the future.

And so on. And I think since you mentioned  being in the present moment, mindfulness is really, really important for those pieces. Do you incorporate any aspects of mindfulness in your business?

Barbara: [00:26:23] Yes, we when I start working with my clients, we work on mindset first. That really, to me, is the key in order to move forward in the online dating world in order to have success.

Gissele: [00:26:39] Thank-you. You had mentioned the importance of loving ourselves before we can go out and really align with someone and meet someone. How do you find, or do you find that people’s childhoods really influence an individual’s ability to love themselves and therefore be able to love others?

Barbara: [00:26:57] It does, you know, it’s, we, we live in a society where we see a lot of dysfunction.

And the dysfunction can come from many parts of a person’s childhood, but usually the first seven years are what really develops us as an individual because those experiences and how we respond to them as a child create the way we walk through life. And until we decide to look in the mirror and. And say to ourselves, how can I change my behaviors that I’m not happy with or that other people seem to pull away from?

That’s, that’s really the key to elevating ourselves as a human. And I had to do that. So by my own personal experience continuing that journey on a daily basis  I can guide people to see what I see based on my interviewing of them. Cause we do a long-term long. Lengthy, I should use the word length thing interview about their relationships and their experiences from their earliest reelect direct recollections to present in order to be able to see the patterns that are not serving them and the patterns that are serving them.

So some people’s childhoods have been more ideal idealistic, but yet we all struggle with that self-talk and low self-esteem and the self-talk in the back of our heads doesn’t help. So there’s, there’s obstacles that we currently experience that are undermining us as well as our past experiences, the foundations of our, of our life that are undermining us as well.

And we work on those things. Yeah,

Gissele: [00:29:04] indeed. I think often people are looking for their own self love externally. Right? They’re looking for someone else to fill that, that emptiness, the lack of love for themselves. And I think as long as you continue to look for it outwardly people will continue to struggle, which leads me to my next question, which is, you know, I’ve noticed that a lot of people say they want love, but then when they actually, when it comes to them, they have a hard time accepting that love, accepting, truly unconditional love that the one that they say they want. How can people start working on themselves so that they can, when they’re faced with the love that they say they want, they can be more accepting to it.

Barbara: [00:29:44] That’s a good question.

That’s why it’s important to do the work first. You know, we think we know what we want. But yet when we get it, like you said, we do undermine ourselves, and it really has to do with doing the work internally first.

Gissele: [00:30:07] Yeah.

Barbara: [00:30:08] Because if they’re connecting to a person that all of a sudden, they’re feeling this need to pull away. There’s a reason, even if they don’t know the reason there must be something that’s alerting their red flag awareness. And I actually have a process to figure out is this a red flag? Why am I feeling such a disconnection to this person?

You know, what’s going on as these are posed questions in order to help you really think about the process. and I mean, I’ve experience some of that where I thought I was aligned with somebody got into a short-term relationship and after a couple months realized. This person is just not who they represented themselves to be this person.

And I don’t agree on the things that he brings up or I bring up, you know, we’re clashing or this person is really showing up as a control person. And that is what I’m trying to avoid. So, you know, you really have to sit back. And assess, you know, they say the neighbors love is blind, but the neighbors aren’t.

So if somebody is, if one of your friends is saying to you, you know, there’s something about that person, not a hundred percent sure. I’m happy for you that you’re happy, blah, blah, blah. But you know, maybe you need to take a look at that. That’s important because when we put our blinders on. We’re not able to see something, but there’s feelings.

So you need to be connected to your feelings. Hear what other people might be saying. If they’re, if they say something in a group and you’re like, you’re thinking to yourself, what is go? What is he saying that for? What is she saying? That for, you know those are reasons to make you assess, and don’t be afraid to say, I’d like you and we are good friends, but I’m not feeling the aligned in this relationship.

And I need to walk away because you’re serving yourself.

Gissele: [00:32:41] Mmhmm.

Barbara: [00:32:42] you don’t want to get into a long-term relationship with somebody that you’re really not aligned with. Again, that’s, that’s altering yourself to be the person that other person wants you to be. Don’t do that, It’s not healthy for you.

Gissele: [00:32:57] Yeah. And I mean, I appreciate that. In going back to your comment about the vision. You have to stick to your vision. If you really want to find the love that you are aligned to. And if you keep settling for things that aren’t just 90 percenters, but I think the other piece as well, aligned with self love is the ability to feel that you’re worth it. How do feelings of worth really impact people’s ability to be able to find the aligned love?

Barbara: [00:33:23] It does because they stick to their boundaries and their parameters that they’re putting on, who they’re truly trying to meet. And if somebody steps out of that parameter, you have to decide, is this something I’m willing to deal with?

Or is this something that is a red flag or beyond? Or it’s in my top 10 of deal-breakers for just one quick example. My beloved and I, we have different political views. And now that we’re currently in the last part of our election situation, we do not talk about politics. Because it is, it can be a sensitive subject with couples.

And, and I told him when I, when I realized that at least at this time that we had different thoughts, I said, this will not affect our relationship because we’re not going to talk about it. And he said, good. So I’m willing to deal with that. And we both know that no matter what happens after the election, one of us is going to be disappointed and we’ll be okay with that.

Yeah,

Gissele: [00:34:40] thank you for sharing that because I think it’s important to realize that you’re not  people aren’t necessarily, they don’t have to be your carbon copy in order for you to be in a relationship. You can have different thoughts, different ideas. And I think that’s the beauty of being in the relationship because you help each other grow and so you can have different political views and still be in in fact, you are kind of, you know, modeling the fact that people can have differences and still love each other and be together. So yes, exactly.

Thank you for that.

Barbara: [00:35:12] Yeah. So,

Gissele: [00:35:15] I had heard a comment about the fact that all relationships are good and are helpful because it help us grow. And in fact, all relationships are mirrors of us, of what we need to grow within ourselves.

I was wondering what your thoughts.

Barbara: [00:35:32] That’s very interesting. Yeah,

I will definitely say that my past relationships have helped me grow and I’ve always had, even as a child, I’ve always had the philosophy that I’m on a journey and I’m here to learn. And what am I supposed to learn from this experience? And like I said, each first date, each short-term relationship that I was in, I.

I took from that. What am I supposed to learn from this? And I also had to learn what I was doing wrong in those situations.

Gissele: [00:36:09] I thought it was good in the fact we do have to work on ourselves because we do, it goes back to what you said earlier that we have to do the work. We can’t go out there. And it’s like, what Einstein says, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

So we go out there with all of our feelings of, you know, not worthy and lack of love, and then expect I’m going to expect Barbara to fill all my needs, but you know, it never going to work because you’re never going to fill that spot. So until you do the work like you suggested, yeah. I don’t think you’re ever going to get there.

Barbara: [00:36:44] And I will tell you that one last thought that you were talking and it reminded me of this. I felt so secure and I feel so secure about my self as an individual. Now that before I met my beloved, I said to myself, if I am, if God intends me to live the remainder of my life without a love in my life, I’m okay with that because I have enough fulfilling things going on in my life that I will survive.

And even with this political thing, you know, we always have these negative thoughts in our head. And my thought was if, if he really is determined to. You know, be so unaligned with me in this particular way, if it really gets in the way, which you could. I mean, if we elevate it, it certainly could, could I survive without him and we don’t live together.

So part of the time, I’m by myself anyway, and I feel secure enough in myself that if God forbid something should happen, I could survive. That’s how I feel. And that’s a good feeling to know that yeah, it would hurt, but I could survive. And I think that’s important for other people to have a sense of in their own being to be that secure.

That no matter what happens on a daily basis in their life that they will get through it. They’re strong enough to get through it. And them as an individual will survive.

Gissele: [00:38:30] Yeah. And that’s, that’s terrific. I mean, that’s how we want relationships to be. You want to be whole complete and you want to meet someone who’s whole complete and that you can share your completeness.  But if they, if the time comes when you have to separate, because all things end. Right? Like either through death or through separation somehow. You can release people with love and know that you are enough for yourself, right when, so I think that was really well said. Thank you for sharing that.

Barbara: [00:38:58] Oh, you’re welcome.

Gissele: [00:38:59] I was wondering what you were working on right now that you would like to share with the audience.

Barbara: [00:39:03] Okay. So right now, I am working on a five day challenge, and it’s all about creating a scroll stopping profile for online dating. So an awesome profile. So that will be happening. Uh, but we also want to create new connections with people and maybe bring love into our life. Or maybe a new friend or whatever that might be for somebody. So these are all things that I know will help people gain better understanding about themselves, who they’re trying to be aligned with what those attributes are, what type of relationship they really ultimately want to have and how special they are and what they bring to others.

Yeah, that’s wonderful.

Gissele: [00:40:00] Do you think you can share one tip on how to improve your profile?

Barbara: [00:40:04] It’s important to have pictures of you just as an individual. They need to be one year or less. You need to have good face pictures and you need to have full body images.  And for people that say, Oh my gosh, I need to lose 10 pounds. I need to lose 50, whatever it is, you know what, there’s lots of people out there of all shapes and sizes. And what they want is to know who you are. You know, we all have our body image issues. But you’re a beautiful person. You have a beautiful soul, and that’s what people get to connect with.

You are inside and out. So don’t allow your body image to hold you back.

Gissele: [00:40:57] Thank you so much. That was terrific.

Barbara: [00:40:59] You’re welcome.

Gissele: [00:41:01] So thank you very much for sharing Barbara, your journey with us. It’s been a great, great conversation, and I know people will find it really helpful. If you’re looking for support on dating or loving yourself, please check out Barbara’s website. Thebestyou@barbarakline.com Thank you very much. And come join us soon for another episode of the Love and Compassion podcast. Thank you.

Barbara: [00:41:22] Thank you.

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